Patience is a biggy with me.
There is very little of it when it’s needed. If I think about it I can be patient, until the time that things should be happening, then it all goes out the window.
So I got to thinking about how I can fix this very acute lack of patience and how to go about following my own theories and ideas about it.
Why do we always get impatient when there is something we really want or think we need? If it gets here to quickly then it’s gone just as quickly and the thrill or fun or enjoyment of it all is gone. Why can’t we savour the thought of what we want or expect and allow that feeling to fill us up with a joyful expectancy instead of getting stressed and angry because it’s not here yesterday?
Trying to understand my motivation for being impatient leads to some really good ideas and thoughts, but again when something is late or not ready when I am, the impatience kicks in again and off go the stress levels and anger levels again.
I am currently waiting for a surgery date, and every day I check the letter box in the hope that the letter has arrived and I can get on with making the plans I need to make and getting myself ready for a period of recovery. Then the letter does not arrive and I feel like I am treading water again. Waiting for this to happen so I can get on with life. I come up with all the reasons why it hasn’t got here yet:
The postman lost the letter.
It went to the wrong address.
They have forgotten about me.
Then the stress starts because I really am at a standstill until this all happens. Until that letter arrives my life is virtually on hold. It’s frustrating and stressful and the impatience ramps up a notch with every empty letter box.
So today I decided enough.
I am going to go ahead and do the things I was planning to do after surgery and get myself in front. I will write my lists and get everything organised now instead of waiting for a date. That way when it finally comes I won’t have to rush around and do everything all at once. Everything will be in place and keeping myself busy will stop the constant waiting for the postman.
I keep hearing words in my head: Breathe, slow down, breathe.
Time to listen and relax and allow things to fall into place naturally as they will. Putting things on hold until the letter arrives is only putting my life on hold.
I can make decisions now. I can do what I want now. I don’t have to wait for everything to be in the perfect place to be able to get on with my life and do what needs to be done.
The letter will arrive, my surgery will happen and my life will go on and all the impatience in the world is not going to change any of it. So from now on it’s BREATHE, RELAX,BREATHE.
Let the impatience go and allow an air of expectation, of much needed rest and excitement at what I will be able to do during the weeks of recover. The sleeping in, instead of getting up early, the staying in my pyjamas until I feel like getting dressed. The time to read the books I have sitting next to my bed. Sitting in the sunshine and not having to move until I want. The painting and drawing that I have wanted to do for so long, and all the other things that I haven’t had the time or energy to do in such a long time.
So today I have replaced my lack of patience with a joyful expectation of what is to come. A time of rest and a time of new beginnings and a new outlook. A time to make the choices that make me happy and allow me to move into a new life and a new way of living.
But I will still check the letter box every day. 🙂