Lately as I move forward on my journey of becoming myself again, I have felt somewhat unworthy for want of a better word. I look at pictures of people on social media and see their perfection, and the beauty that shines out from them and then look at my own pictures and feel unhappy at the least and a bit frightened at most.
The way we look at ourselves has always been a rather difficult task especially when
we are not all supermodels and don’t have access to make up artists and photoshop
experts 🙂 I have always thought that I am not photogenic and my camera and phone
both hate me. It is a difficult ime for me at the moment as I am shedding the walls
that I have built up over far too many years, but as the weight falls off and I begin to look and feel “normal” again, I find myself facing another dilemma. One brought on by ego and mind, not necessarily truth but feels that way in my eyes.
Allowing my walls to fall apart and become me again has taken such an enormous effort that the slightest bit of negativity is fraught with danger. I have tried and failed before at this and allowed the negative talk to get to me and pull the plug on becoming. This time I will not allow it. Although I still look at others pictures and feel inadequate, I know that I am me and there is no other like me. I am beautiful on the inside and my healing is helping me to begin to look beautiful on the outside.
Having photos taken is something I am not very comfortable with. They do not appear
to show me as I feel I am. I do not need others to point out my flaws, I am very
good at doing this myself. The trick this time around is to not look for the flaws
but to look for the beauty that shines through from my soul. While some may disregard me and my presence because of what I look like, those people are not important. They only see the outer shell they do not see nor understand what dwells beneath the surface. Those who see me as I truly am, are the ones I want to be around. Those who look beneath the surface appearances and see what we all truly are inside.
As my walls come tumbling down and the healing begins I allow myself to feel
beautiful and to emit a frequency of beauty and love that will connect with others
who sing the same tune. What I have this time that I did not on other weight loss
journeys is music. With music I can become what ever I want, I can drift into other
dimensions and feel the beauty of the music transport me to a place where all are
equal and all are beautiful.
As I write this I am listening to the album Guitarradas by Pavlo and Remigio. This
guitar instrumental album recorded in the healing frequency of 432 hz has a soothing
affect on my emotions and my thoughts. On other days it gives me the energy I need
to keep going. Its healing energy infuses my mind body and soul and reduces and
deflects my inner most inadequacies. Simply by listening and allowing the music to
heal, my journey becomes somewhat easier to handle.
As my journey continues and I let the walls crumble away to oblivion I will keep
listening to music that heals and allow it to clear my negativity and bring myself
to believe that I am as beautiful on the outside as on the inside.