It’s Monday, blog day. As I sit to write tonight, I really have no idea what it is going to be about. I spent the day moving furniture, which I shouldn’t be, but needed to move my bed in order to find a better way of sleeping. Waking every two hours during the night is getting frustrating and tiring. So maybe a change of direction will do the trick. I have been burning lavender oil in my room to attempt to relax my mind and body enough to sleep through the night. Still though, it was two hours then waking, tossing and turning and finally back to sleep for another two hour episode.
There are those who say this lack of sleep and waking during the night, are symptoms of something new awakening. My body and mind are preparing for a new beginning and a new life style, and as such there is much chatter in my head. My fears surrounding my health and fitness as part of this new lifestyle are making me nervous and stressed at times.
How can I begin something new when I cannot leave the pain behind. It’s an excuse, I know it is. Much easier to stay in the comfort of the known than to move forward into the unknown. So I am using my pain as a crutch that lets me stay exactly where I am. I got really angry yesterday, more with myself than anyone else, I felt resentment for all those around me who have their lives in order.
I allowed the pain to overtake my mind and my heart and although I kept my anger in my head, it still made me feel horrible. I felt let down, I felt abandoned, I felt like a waste of space. I don’t have my own home, I don’t get to spend enough time with my family, hell, I can’t even afford food at the moment. Not a nice place to be in and not a pleasant head space either.
I had thoughts today that I should focus on my health problems, for while I still experience this pain, it makes it hard to focus on the good parts of life. Then I was reminded by a good friend, that good health would be part and parcel of focusing on the good parts of life. So today I was active. It is my one day off from work and normally I try to rest as well as do the normal household chores. Today the bed was moved, I defrosted the freezer. I used a hammer, but that’s another story 🙂 I did the housework, as much as I could. I am so very sore now but I feel good, I feel better. Today I accomplished something, and for quite a while it has been hard to feel that way.
Yesterday I gave up. I was done with pain and people and anything else that came within my vision. I yelled to my angels that, this was it, I give up. I know they heard, they always hear, but it is still up to me to find the strength I need in which to make the changes that are needed. They will be there to guide me, to leave me clues as to the right path to take, but I need to take that step. Maybe giving up was what I needed. A release of sorts. No more pressure.
So for now I will work on focusing my thoughts on the positive that I wish to see in my life. I will work through my pain issues with the help of those around me. Instead of wishing to be pain free I will wish for health and fitness. Instead of wishing for just enough to pay the bills I will wish for abundance and prosperity.
I deserve and so do you. Aim high, always aim high. If you don’t reach that height then keep trying. You only get what you ask for, so believe that you deserve the very best and always expect it. Expect a miracle every day of your life.