Monthly Archives: August 2016

Lifting The Fog of Guilt

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The fog is finally beginning to clear from my mind and body. For so long I have felt guilt with everything. Guilt for being me, guilt for not being me. Guilt for not doing enough, guilt for doing too much. Guilt for not being good enough, guilt for being too good. Whatever the situation, I have attached guilt to it in some way.

I have sabotaged myself and my happiness in so many ways over the years. I don’t allow myself to have fun, because I cannot afford it. Even though most things that would make me happy cost nothing. I overwork myself because I feel that I am needed and that is the only way to be appreciated. I have worked my body and mind so hard in order to achieve appreciation? a thank you? not even sure any more what I have worked so hard for. All I have is nothing to show for it.

I don’t have my own home, most of my “stuff” is second hand. I rarely have any money for emergencies let alone something fun for myself. I surround myself with other peoples stuff and other peoples crap and other peoples problems and then wonder why I am poor, tired, in pain and not able to get ahead. Who’s fault is it? Mine of course, which only now has hit me full on in the face. Of course I think I always knew that, but it was just a concept in the back of my mind which was not allowed out to be worked on and released.

A little earlier today I was coming back from the shops and I looked at the houses in the estate that I live in. Some are beautiful, they have gardens and an aura of prosperity and abundance. As I looked I felt my energy drop, but then something went ding in my brain and suddenly my energy soared. I too could have that abundant and prosperous feeling.

As I thought about having what I always wanted to have, feelings of guilt started to intrude. Not this time, back off, I am enjoying this feeling of freedom. I realised that I could have what I wanted, I could be what I wanted to be and I could feel how I wanted to feel, if only I release the guilt associated with it all.

Mind you that will be much harder than thinking it and writing it. Guilt has a sneaky way of sliding into cracks in your mind when you are not concentrating. It hides and jumps out at you when you least expect it and when it can do the most damage. The trick is to see it and deal with it as it happens. I know I will slip and feel unworthy again, it’s only human to slip back into patterned behavior. My patterns are decades old and deeply entrenched and will take a monumental effort on my part to release.

I will from now on attempt to focus on what I want not what I don’t want. I will think about and feel the happiness that comes with achieving my dreams and goals, and I will at every opportunity kick guilt out of my head and heart and not look back. I know I am not alone, there are so many of us that feel we do not deserve anything nice, or good luck or happiness. But we do, all of us. We are not better people if we have nothing. We are not better people if we think that by saying no we are better than others, stronger than others. No, it makes us weaker, it makes us and those around us unhappy and makes them feel unworthy and sad.

Negativity has a way of expanding rapidly and taking down all those around us, if we let it. Positive energy on the other hand expands much more rapidly and reaches so many more people and raises the energy of everything around us. We deserve this feeling, we deserve this expansion and most of all we deserve to be who and what we are. We deserve the love that is just sitting there waiting for us to say yes, the love that will allow us to accept ourselves and all that is good around us.

So no more guilt. Replace it with gratitude, replace it with joy. Replace it with “stuff” good stuff not other peoples bad stuff. Whatever makes you happy, whatever gives you joy, whatever releases the guilt that is not needed. Do it. Right now, just do it and watch the world around you come to life. Happiness and joy are our birthright, they should be expected and not something that only other people have. We deserve and so shall we have.

Margaret ❤

 

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Manifesting Madness

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Today is the start of the second of my two weeks off. I feel much more rested and my brain is actually working. My body is healing but I still need to find some strength and energy. That will be this weeks focus. I have had the time over the past week to sit and think about my life. What do I want? Where do I want to be? What do I want to be? How and I going to get from here to there?

I started a manifesting ritual, a simple activity to imprint my desires into my heart and soul. With a smile on my face and my pen and paper at the ready, I started thinking about my first affirmation. So many things to choose from, what should be first? Do I want the money for things, or do I want the things? Which is the best way to phrase it all?

My first attempt was 4 lines long :/ Far too long to be writing out by hand multiple times.So I adapted it the next time, still a bit long but I persevered and made it through. Finished it all up and tucked it away somewhere that it will be safe. Now I wait for it to appear like magic in front of me. It happens for others so why not for me.

The part that is not made clear is that you actually have to do something in order for your desire to manifest. It’s all well and good to write out my affirmations, say them out loud and however anyone else tells you to do it, but, you have to actually do something. I can see many people sitting at their front doors waiting for a huge check that may never arrive, or waiting for that awesome job offer to appear even though the company does not know who you are or that you even want to work for them. So what do you have to do?

The written and vocal affirmations are just the beginning. If they make you smile, and raise your vibration, then they have done their job. Now get out there and apply for that job, or find a way to bring that huge check into your life. I know there are those who have manifested in this way, a check turns up out of the blue and things all fall into place magically. But that doesn’t happen for everyone, for some of us it takes a bit more work, a lot more faith and support from the universe around you.

Maybe I should try that. Sit in my lounge room every day for a month, meditating and affirming that a cheque for $100,000 is going to appear any second. It might work, it might not. What I do know is that for those that things like this happen to, they have done something in the past that allows for it to manifest. They may not remember what they did or how they did it, but somewhere along the way energy, their own energy was involved in helping things to fall into place.

Energy is the most important part, along with intention. You have to really want it, not just want it today and want something else tomorrow. The universe matches your energy with the energy of what you want. So whatever you have your intention set at, will manifest. Good or bad doesn’t matter, it’s all about the energy.

Have you ever looked at something and thought, I don’t want that to happen to me, or I don’t want that in my life. Then boom, it manifests almost before your eyes. Into your life like magic and so not welcome. Your intention was set on what you didn’t want, but the universe does not understand want or not want, it only understands energy. Where your energy is focused is where things happen. Whether you want it or not you will get it.

My own little manifesting affirmation is something that I have wanted for a long time, and also something that I never thought I could have. Although I have very focused intention on the goal and dream I also know that the negative part of the all this has, up until now, had the strongest energy. So this time I have focused on the feeling that having this manifest will bring me. Thinking about it makes me smile and gets me excited. This is the feeling and the energy that is needed to bring this all into being.

So now I have asked, I have focused, I have put all my most positive intent into it and have let it go. It will be tucked away somewhere safe while I get on with the business of living my life. Then one day I will find and open it and marvel at how quickly it all came about. How wonderful the universe is and how lucky I am. But deep down I will know that I have taken a small step every day in order to help this along. I may not have the money yet to achieve my dream, but I can do all the parts that don’t require money. I can and will put my happiness and focus into the little details that all come together to make my manifesting successful.

One step a day, just something little to help your dreams manifest is all it takes. So now it’s up to you. One small step a day or sitting waiting for it all to just arrive. What’s your choice?

Margaret ❤

 

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A New Chapter

Today is day one of my time off. A time for me to rest, and repair the damage I have been doing to my body for far too long. So what am I going to do on these most beautiful days. When I have holidays I normally have a list of things I want to get done, so much so that I am exhausted just reading it. Not this time. This time I am going to rest, I am going to spend the time finding me.

For far too long I had forgotten who I was. What I wanted and where I was going. I was wife, mother, ex wife, daughter, employee but never me. Now as I sit and contemplate my two weeks off, I would like to find me again. I have become the thing I most wanted to avoid when I was younger. I hobble around like an old lady and cannot do anything without pain. It needs to stop, now.

I am going to be a Grandmother. I am so excited to meet this new beautiful little being. I want to be able to do things with this child, things normal grandparents do. I don’t want to sit in pain and watch while others get down on the floor to play. I want to get down on the floor and play, I want to run and play in the garden, I want to be a happy part of this child’s life.

So now as I add grandmother to the list of who I am, more than ever I need to find the real me. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to find time to visit. I want to sort out my work life balance now before it is too late. For too long I have put work first. The bills needed to be paid, the rent needs to be paid and I am it where that is concerned.

Manifesting the real me within this new life dream is not going to be easy. I have guilt to release, I have resentment to release. But I have come to realise that I do deserve more than I have and I am. The resentment I feel towards those that have what I feel I want needs to disappear. I can and will have the life I want. The bills will be paid, the rent will be paid, and there will be time to visit my family and their families. I will become a whole part of my boys lives again instead of someone that they see in between my work.

Guilt and resentment have taken over so much of my life that even releasing them will feel like I am losing a friend. They need to go, the sooner the better. Letting them go and replacing them with a feeling of gratitude and worthiness is where I am going. The inner me that for so long has not been able to express her feelings, her love and how proud she is of her family. This me is buried so very deeply but she is emerging, slowly and timidly, but still coming forward towards the life that for so long has been denied.

As this new chapter of my life begins and the excitement of a new baby builds, I will prepare myself to become the mother I should have been, but was always too scared to be, and the grandmother that I want to be and will be. I may have wasted half a life time but there are lessons to be learned within it all. Those lessons will not go to waste, I will and am becoming me again.

This time running back to the comfort of fear is not an option. This time I will break through the barriers I put up so long ago. This time I will succeed. This time is my time and I will no longer waste it. The more I look within, the more I see what I have been and can now release. The more I look within, the more I know I need the changes and the changes appear much more easily than ever before.

This time I am ready!

Margaret ❤

 

 

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Rest and Restore

 

Do you ever get to a point where you say, that’s it I’m done! You try and you push yourself, but still it’s never good enough. I keep going and going and going and now I am at this point. I stand still and sigh and my head drops. I’m exhausted, I’m annoyed and at times I am angry, with myself and with everyone around me. Then I pick myself up and take another step and another and just keep going.

This week I did the head drop and the sigh once too often. I decided enough, I need a break. So I’m having a couple of weeks off work. Some time to rest, some time to heal, some time to re evaluate. Time to think about what I really want to do for the rest of my life. Not what everyone thinks I should be doing, but what I want to do.

I have been ignored, avoided, told off and at this stage just want to be left alone for a while. My head needs to clear, my brain needs a break. My wrists and my leg need a rest and time to heal. Enough so that I can function again without pain, without the head drops, without the sighs, without the effort of just one more day, one more hour, one more minute, then I can rest. Rest time is now.

My energy needs pumping up, my vibration needs tuning and my focus needs focusing. It’s time to work on ideas I have, some that I have had for a long time. some that are new, most that I have not had the energy for. Ideas, dreams and plans that keep being pushed back because I have to go to work to pay the bills, because I don’t have the energy for them and some because I have no idea where to start.

So my two weeks will consist of me time, family time, rest time and healing time. I will resume reality with more energy and more focus and a good idea of where I want to be and what I want to do. I do know what I want to do, I have no idea how to make that happen and my poor tired, aching body has no strength and no answers for me. A rest will do me good. Then i can get on with what I want to do and leave the how’s to the universe. Anything that I can dream of will be surpassed by what the universe has in store for me.

I have wasted so much time and so many years trying to figure out the how’s, when all I really need to do is work out the what’s. Then take small steps every day until it all starts to fall into place. Steps I can take when I am rested and healed and whole again.  Until then, I will do the planning. I will take these weeks to decide with some sort of focus exactly what I want to do and focus on the outcome instead of the journey.

Live it, breathe it, be it. Most of all, allow it, and not worry about anyone around me who thinks it’s wrong, who thinks it’s dumb. Those people will fall away as I start to focus on my allowing and my receiving of what I want. I will succeed. Even in the state I am in at this moment, I know I can achieve what I want. The more I believe, the more it becomes real.

I will rest. I will heal. I will focus. Until it becomes, I am rested, I am healed, I am focused. And if the Angels of Prosperity are listening, a little trip up north to the sunshine for a couple of days would be awesome, thank you 🙂

Margaret ❤

 

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Notice Of Intent

Today I was thinking about my life. How everything has worked out to get me in the sometimes crappy space I am now in. It’s not all bad, mind you, but sometimes I wish I could swap with someone else.

So today I was thinking about what I don’t want my life to be like and suddenly I felt down. Thinking about all the things you don’t want in your life is depressing. So many people tell me to concentrate on what I want. Focus on the good stuff. I agree with them and then go merrily about my way thinking of all the stuff I want gone.

So today I felt better about things, so I decided that, yes, I am going to think about the life I want. And so, my notice of intent was born.

I wrote about how I live, I wrote about where I live. I wrote about my beautiful home, my wonderful work. I wrote about how happy I am to have this beautiful life and how everything has fallen into place. I expressed my gratitude that this or something better is my life. I signed it and dated it and put it in my pocket.

Under normal circumstances I would find the piece of paper in my pocket when I did the washing and would throw it out. Never allowing it a chance to grow and become my reality. But today was different. In order to do the work I would like to do, there are steps that need to be taken. I took one of those steps today, not a big one, but a step nonetheless.

As I sit here and read through this letter to myself, I smile and picture the reality of this intent. It is not an over the top dream of massive wealth and a mansion, it is my dream of doing the work I love. Helping people that request what I have to offer. Living a simple but beautiful life, full of love and abundance.

It is now up to me to keep taking those steps and visualising this as my life. There are parts of it that can be made real right now. There are parts that can fall into place quite easily, if I allow it. That is the hardest part in all of this, the allowing. Being able to receive and allow all that I dream of.

Today that first step was taken. Tomorrow and every day after that I will take another. Until one day I wake up and read through this note and understand that I am living that reality. I will not focus on the future nor the past, I will focus on the now. What can I do now that brings that reality a step closer?

Today is the first of many steps, and I look forward with gratitude to each day and each new step.

Margaret ❤

 

 

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