Monthly Archives: September 2016

Sunset Of The Old Life

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When you feel like just stopping and giving up for a while and then something happens that just spurs you on for a little bit longer. That’s how my day feels today. I am tired and feeling a bit weak today but I am not going to dwell on that. Instead I am going to focus on what is good about it.

Now I am sure that although I feel like death warmed up, that there is something positive in all I have been through in the last 16 months. I needed a rest, well I got my rest. I needed to remove myself from a less than positive work space, I resigned from my job. I finally gave in and allowed someone to help me with my healing, and although it is taking so long to heal, I feel that my attitude and mindset are somewhat to blame.

I sit here thinking, how am I going to work a full week, let alone a full day if I can’t walk properly yet. Maybe I am not supposed to go back to very physical work. I haven’t really thought too much about what will happen when the money runs out. I intend this time to allow my body to feel its aches and pains and to heal in its own way and its own time. While this happens I have the opportunity to look into different ways of earning money.

So this is where the positive part kicks in. I may not be ready for physical work yet, but there is nothing stopping me from looking at the other options which are slowly beginning to come into view. All this pain and negativity has brought me to a point in my life where I am able to make the changes that for so long I have denied.

There are many things that I can do if only I give them a try, and to limit myself to just one form of income is not a wise choice for me or anyone for that matter. There is potential for something great to be born from the last 16 months. Where before I felt strong and knew I was capable of anything, the universe has shown me that no, I am not as strong as I thought I was. This doesn’t mean that I will not recover my strength, because I am certain that I will eventually. Until that time my mind and my heart are what are strengthening.

The ideas that now flow through my mind that once I would have laughed at, are now beginning to become something that not only will work, but something that could lead, directly into my whole life’s purpose. Where before I was scared now I feel more confident. There is much within me that needs an outlet, that needs to be shared with the world around me. The plans I make now are exciting me rather than scaring me.

For now I am a work in progress, becoming what I feel I should have been all along but had denied myself because I thought there was only one way. There are many ways, many paths and so many ideas that are ready to be launched, if only we step back and allow ourselves to just be. How many ideas and how many good things have been missed out on because we felt we were not ready, nor good enough to let others know about them.

My health problems have allowed me to stop and reevaluate my entire life and put everything into perspective. My potential is only now, beginning to blossom. What I have held tightly inside for all these years, now has the opportunity to be released and be shared. So I continue to make my plans and take the little steps that will help me to achieve all that I have dreamed of for so long.

The excitement that I feel and the gratitude for my body breaking down to allow this, is something that I will never forget. My time is now.

Watch this space 😀

Margaret ❤

 

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Emerging

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Today I have been itching to do something, wasn’t really sure what, just knew I needed to move and do something. I have been sitting at home for the past few weeks, on holidays but technically I resigned so this is part of my notice. The only thing is I have been so used to working 6 days a week, that I am feeling a bit bored, a bit lonely. Sitting here at the computer or doing a little housework or just fluffing around the house and the local area is beginning to drive me nuts.

When I get bored, I know I need to make changes and so today I went back to a change that I used to do a lot. Moving the furniture around. Looking into each room of my house and seeing everything placed in the same way makes me feel drained. So moving the furniture around injects some new energy and life into the house.

So I got my paper and pencil and started to plan, I always plan and draw a floor plan to make sure things will fit before I do the heavy stuff. Now I have a clear picture of where everything needs to be moved in three rooms. It will take some work but it will be very much worth the effort.

It allows me to look at things that usually are ignored, they sit and collect dust and feel dull and dead. I now get to clean things and make them feel bright and shiny and new and if they don’t, then they go. It’s like moving house without the hassle. I get to declutter some rooms in the house and at the same time raise the vibration and energy within it.

Under normal circumstances I would change three rooms in an afternoon, but due to the current condition of my body that will not happen this time. It may take me a few days this time, but it will be done. By the time I am finished there will be bags for the op shop and bags for the rubbish and recycle bins. My ornaments and crystals will sparkle and shine and emit their energy clearly and lovingly.

As I look around the rooms at all that is in piles, or stuffed into drawers and cupboards, I feel a little down. There is so much holding me back. I had the thought the other day that if I moved into a brand new house and had the choice, what would I take with me. The answer, not surprisingly, was not very much. I am beginning to feel weighed down by the very things that I felt protected me. I felt safe with my “things”.

Now though, I feel them all crushing me, burying me deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit that I may never escape from. I am finally beginning to understand that it’s all just stuff, and stuff is not what I need anymore. I need freedom, the freedom to move without all that excess baggage dragging behind me. The things I thought I may need someday have never been needed, the I might use that’s have never been used.

All they do is collect dust and clutter up the space. I feel like I am suffocating. It’s time to move it all on. So now I will change the furniture, dust and clean, declutter and release. My energy will rise, the vibration of my home will elevate, and what I truly want will have the space to appear.

The act of letting go of possessions is hard. There is always a memory. Nostalgia though, is never a good reason to keep something. Unless it is so important that my life would go into melt down, then it probably needs to go. I have no inclination to spend the rest of my life dusting old memories. Now is the time for me to go out and make new memories, ones that I will cherish for the rest of this lifetime. Emotional memories, not stuff, no more stuff. I am over stuff.

I feel a new era emerging for me, a time where I can go out and make something special happen. To do what I was born to do. It all starts with clearing the stuff and clearing the energy. I shall emerge from the bottomless pit, excited and ready to take on new experiences.

It is time.

 

Margaret ❤

 

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Blog Day Blues

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It’s blog day, again. Didn’t get to last weeks. Too much happening in my world last week. From pain caused by healing to resigning from my job, it’s been a couple of weeks of very mixed energy.

My chiropractor is still putting my body back together and it’s a very painful process. The damage that I allowed to happen is only eclipsed by the pain of putting my bones back into the positions they are meant to be in. I have bruises, big dark bruises and very sore muscles. It will all be worth it when I can move in a normal way again. I have limped in pain for the entire year so far and am longing to be able to walk normally again.

The pain has caused massive problems at my work. I have had more time off in the last year and a half than I ever have in my life. For the first time ever I used every sick day for the year. I have used holidays that I would prefer to have saved for having fun. Instead they were used to rest my bones and muscles.

I have gone back to work only to break down again and be told to stay home. This last week I was told the same again. To stay home until I am 100%. Something that I may never be again. Eventually I would run out of holidays owing. I was also told that business is slow. So hours were to be cut, again. More than likely mine as my hours are the easiest to eliminate.

Nevertheless I am not fit enough to work and so the thought of running out of holidays, then having my hours cut was a little too emotional for me. It brought my energy down, my insecurities up and caused the pain to flare up again. My current budget is tight with no wriggle room for any emergencies or problems, so having my hours cut equates to having to lose my home. Something I am not willing to give up at this point.

So I made a decision, one I should have made a very long time ago. My happiness levels at work had plummeted a long time ago. I knew it was time to leave but kept putting it off. The fact that my pain intensified when I got to the carpark and my energy dropped when i walked in the door, were indicators that I should have listened to. I didn’t and paid the price with my health.

So yesterday I handed in my resignation. The weight that lifted off me as I left the building was so freeing. Everyone I have told has congratulated me on making the decision and making the move. It has turned what could have been a stressful and negative experience into a positive, life changing moment. It showed me that I made the right decision.

So now I am unemployed. It feels funny, it feels strange, not having to get up, shower and go into work. I won’t miss the cold, I won’t miss the heat. I definitely won’t miss the broom, the mop and bucket and the bleach. It was my world for the last 10 years. 6 days a week, short days, long days and in between days. Every weekend. Mother’s day, my birthday. It will be so nice to have a day off on Sunday’s, time to spend with my family. Something I had not had much opportunity for over the last decade.

What’s next for me? I don’t know. What  I do know is that it is time for a change. Time to do something different to what I have done for so long. It’s exciting, it’s terrifying. I know something will turn up and it will be something I love. It’s the only option now, something I love. Something that stretches my imagination, something that challenges my mind and something that elevates my energy and my soul.

I know it’s out there. I know it’s waiting for me. All I have to do is allow it to appear in my life and it will. So I take a step into a new life with an almost calm expectation and a sense of destiny. This is my time to do what I want to do, to live the life that has called me for so long and to finally be me.

Margaret ❤

 

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