Blog Day Blues

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It’s blog day, again. Didn’t get to last weeks. Too much happening in my world last week. From pain caused by healing to resigning from my job, it’s been a couple of weeks of very mixed energy.

My chiropractor is still putting my body back together and it’s a very painful process. The damage that I allowed to happen is only eclipsed by the pain of putting my bones back into the positions they are meant to be in. I have bruises, big dark bruises and very sore muscles. It will all be worth it when I can move in a normal way again. I have limped in pain for the entire year so far and am longing to be able to walk normally again.

The pain has caused massive problems at my work. I have had more time off in the last year and a half than I ever have in my life. For the first time ever I used every sick day for the year. I have used holidays that I would prefer to have saved for having fun. Instead they were used to rest my bones and muscles.

I have gone back to work only to break down again and be told to stay home. This last week I was told the same again. To stay home until I am 100%. Something that I may never be again. Eventually I would run out of holidays owing. I was also told that business is slow. So hours were to be cut, again. More than likely mine as my hours are the easiest to eliminate.

Nevertheless I am not fit enough to work and so the thought of running out of holidays, then having my hours cut was a little too emotional for me. It brought my energy down, my insecurities up and caused the pain to flare up again. My current budget is tight with no wriggle room for any emergencies or problems, so having my hours cut equates to having to lose my home. Something I am not willing to give up at this point.

So I made a decision, one I should have made a very long time ago. My happiness levels at work had plummeted a long time ago. I knew it was time to leave but kept putting it off. The fact that my pain intensified when I got to the carpark and my energy dropped when i walked in the door, were indicators that I should have listened to. I didn’t and paid the price with my health.

So yesterday I handed in my resignation. The weight that lifted off me as I left the building was so freeing. Everyone I have told has congratulated me on making the decision and making the move. It has turned what could have been a stressful and negative experience into a positive, life changing moment. It showed me that I made the right decision.

So now I am unemployed. It feels funny, it feels strange, not having to get up, shower and go into work. I won’t miss the cold, I won’t miss the heat. I definitely won’t miss the broom, the mop and bucket and the bleach. It was my world for the last 10 years. 6 days a week, short days, long days and in between days. Every weekend. Mother’s day, my birthday. It will be so nice to have a day off on Sunday’s, time to spend with my family. Something I had not had much opportunity for over the last decade.

What’s next for me? I don’t know. What  I do know is that it is time for a change. Time to do something different to what I have done for so long. It’s exciting, it’s terrifying. I know something will turn up and it will be something I love. It’s the only option now, something I love. Something that stretches my imagination, something that challenges my mind and something that elevates my energy and my soul.

I know it’s out there. I know it’s waiting for me. All I have to do is allow it to appear in my life and it will. So I take a step into a new life with an almost calm expectation and a sense of destiny. This is my time to do what I want to do, to live the life that has called me for so long and to finally be me.

Margaret ❤

 

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