So what do you do when you have the freedom to do anything you want? Do you look for something safe and predictable or go after long held dreams that always seemed so far away?
I have before me now choices. Which way do I go, how do I get from where I am now to where I would like to be? How do I decide where I want to be, when I am not really sure of anything?
Lots of questions and not too many answers coming at the moment. An income is most definitely required but how to earn that income is not as forthcoming. I have time, but not forever. There is no point leaving everything until the last moment. That just causes stress and anxiety which is of no help whatsoever.
Ideally I would like to work for myself, doing what, I am not sure. With a choice like that other problems then appear. Will I make enough to support myself? Will what I choose to do be wanted by anyone at all? Am I willing to compromise on what I offer just to make enough money? All valid questions to which I have no answer.
So what to do. For the moment I am not in panic mode, which is very strange because I feel I should be. I have a house to run, I have bills and like everyone else I have a life that requires a certain amount of financial support. I have been independent for so long the thought of having to rely on someone else to help me get through is a little depressing.
I have decided that all of the above, the anxiety, the stress and the way I have lived so far has to change. There is opportunity here to make changes of monumental proportions, if only I let go and allow them to appear. Faith and trust that what is right for me will appear is high at the moment.
I have worked in basically the same industry for all of my working life. Not what I wanted while I was at school, not what I wanted my entire life. I chose this industry because I didn’t think I could do what I wanted. Wasting so many years doing what I disliked has worn down my enthusiasm for life in general. Yet I find myself thinking and looking for more jobs in the same line. I know if I choose one I will be unhappy, but ingrained feelings of not being good enough for anything else compels me to look at them.
I have the luxury of a little bit of time so I intend to look further afield in my search for meaningful work. Can I build a home run business within the next few weeks, and will it have the possibility to be successful? If I don’t try then I will never know. I will however still look for outside work, no point in ruling anything out. My experiences in the world of retail have been diverse. Some happy times, some stressful times and some disappointing times. But, overall I have amassed a huge variety of skills that can be put to use in a variety of ways.
How I choose to use these skills now is something that will require a lot of thought and a lot of soul searching. How can I turn what I have learned over the years into a meaningful career, instead of just another job to pay the bills? A million dollar question if ever there was one. I would really like, this time, to choose rather than make do. Making do leads to more disappointment and unhappy work spaces.
So for now, my search will continue. While I wait and dream of what I would like to do, I put it out into the universe that I am open to something new, something that will elevate my essence and change the way I think and feel. It is time for me to live my dream. I know the dream will come true now, I feel it with every breath I take. Even though I am not completely sure what the dream is, I know that when it appears I will know it. It will bring me a joy that I have longed for, and that I have kept at arms length for far too long.
It is time, now, my time.