Today I got angry with myself.
Angry because I allowed people to walk all over me. Angry because I didn’t stop it. Angry because I didn’t see it. Angry because I allowed it all to make me feel less than. Angry because I let it sap my strength, and angry because I let it push me back to where I was a long time ago.
My throat tightened up, and I could feel the tears trying to emerge. The more I tried to stop them the more my throat closed over. I yelled at myself…. in my head, I didn’t want to scare the neighbors 🙂
Now I have calmed down, but during it I thought of everything that has happened over the last four years or so. We moved house, our rabbit died, our cat died. My hours at my old job were cut on a regular basis, not because I was not working enough, but because there were no customers. My son’s hours got cut, then there was the pathologist who told me I had cancer. I didn’t. Surgery to remove the parts of me that did not need to be removed. Then the pain from Sciatica and overworked muscles, the limping, the hobbling. The pain killers and eventually having no choice but to resign from my job. I was no longer needed, no point me being there if I couldn’t do the work, I was told. They were just wasting money having me there, I was told. Go home and don’t come back until you are 100%, I was told.
Thanks for the support!
Chatting with a friend this afternoon, we talked about the energy around us. Both of us have had a very trying year. The one thing she had done and I had not, was to clear the energy of my home. It was so simple, yet I had not thought to do it. Everything that has happened in this house has added layer upon layer of negative and depressing energy. To the point were it doesn’t feel like home anymore.
This morning my card of the day on my Facebook page was “Death”. Perfectly fitting for the day I have had. This cycle has to end, whether it be by natural means or by me deciding and enough is enough and stopping the rot in its tracks.
A new beginning is what is, and has been needed for such a long time. I have the opportunity now to make those changes. To start afresh, and the first thing I will be doing will be to start to remove the layers of horrible energy within my house and allow it to become a home again.
It is time to release all around me that no longer fits with my life. All that is no longer useful, and all that is blocking me from living a happy, abundant life. Most of my “stuff”, is second hand. It carries with it, the energies of those who it belonged to before. Who knows how many people owned “my stuff”! All their energies building up and up until each item no longer resembles the spirit in which it was designed and made.
Time to let it all go. I have to admit I am a bit of a hoarder. I keep things because they may become useful one day. One day has never ever arrived and probably never will. So out they must go. I am sure there is a beautiful home waiting for these items. One where they will be put to use and one where they are loved and appreciated.
I know that letting go will be hard, but it must be done. What is really needed will stay and will be a useful part of my life. I will clean my house, I will disrupt the negative energy in a frenzy of movement and noise. Break it up and move it out, along with all the blockages and pain that they have caused. Then when it feels lighter and fresher and softer, I will invite in all the goodness that has been lacking in my life for so long.
A new chapter of my life begins now. Not tomorrow, not on the full moon, not on the new moon. NOW. I will clear my own personal energy and that of those who live in my house. We will become lighter and happier and prosperous and abundant. I will call on all the angels and all my guides to help guide me to the right action. I will trust that what I do is the right thing at the right time.
And, I will again, take another small step towards a new life.