Living The Lessons

The days seem to be flying at the moment. Almost half way through the year and the more I think about it, the more I feel that I have wasted so much time. The plans that were made at the end of the previous year all fell by the wayside quite quickly.

I had so many dreams and goals for this year. Especially after the year from hell that was 2016. Yet 2017 which promised a new beginning and a fresh new start, continued the same energy of last year. The more I tried to plan the more things went down hill.

Before you know it, the year is half way through and nothing has been achieved. I feel as if I have spent an enormous amount of time doing nothing and then feeling regret for letting this time slip away. Now is the time for me, and anyone else feeling the same way, to make a concerted effort to spend the rest of this year fully engaged in living in a more authentic way.

I find for myself if I decide that I am going to do something that I need to do it immediately. Otherwise it ends up being put on the back burner, along with so many other thoughts, dreams and goals. I am a list maker. I find myself lost for hours when I write lists of what to do, where to go, what to buy.

I recently cleaned out a chest in my room that was full of lined exercise books. These books were filled with list after list of my hopes and dreams, none of which came to fruition. All left to gather dust in a dark place. My habits seem to push me into this dark place where I am allowed to dream but not allowed to bring these dreams to life.

So how do you change the habits that have been with you for a lifetime? No matter what you read or who you ask, it is not a simple thing to release these habits and change your life in a quick and easy way. It takes discipline to change a habit. It takes repetition to change a habit.

After everything that has happened in the last two years, I now have an opportunity to make these changes. Knowing where to start is a problem though. I am so stuck in my ways that even now that I no longer can work, I still wake at the same time of the morning, I still shower as if I am preparing to go to work. Then I find myself sitting at the computer and getting lost in whatever I decide to look at.

Before I know it, time has slipped by and it is dinner time, and another day has been wasted. The first thing I need to do is to understand that I am not and have not wasted this time. I have spent so much of the last two years in pain that my body requires this slowing down. I need to adapt to how my life will be from this moment on. I can no longer do what I have always done.

The physical limitations have sapped my energy and the resulting frustration makes me give up at times. Now though as I find different ways to do the things I need and want to do, I tend to push myself a bit more. There is always a way to do something and if there is a way I will find it. I refuse to live the rest of my life missing out on the things I have always loved to do and the things that that I have always wanted to do.

If anything, this disease has taught me to find a new way of living, a way that very clearly I needed to understand. I fought against this for so long, but now as I make the changes needed in order to live, I have come to understand that all is not lost. I can still have the life I have always wanted, I just need to go about it in a different way.

This has been a huge lesson for me. From the pain to the financial problems to the everyday physical limitations, all this has taught me that there is a way and there always will be a way. You just have to find what suits you and how you can arrange things so you don’t feel like you are missing out on something.

As my life falls into place in a new way I look forward to the new opportunities that this disease will bring to me. It has served to push me out of my comfort zone and out of my habitual brain dead life. My hope is that the rest of this life is spent discovering new ways of being and new things to learn.

My time of giving up is over and now as I work towards making the changes that are so overdue in my life, I intend to take each step slowly and with the knowledge that I am giving myself the absolute best chance of a beautiful life.

I wish you all good living, good learning and good loving. Take a chance, make a change and look forward, no matter what, to the rest of your incredible life.

Margaret ❤

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Living The Lessons

  1. Deborah

    There is always a way Margaret, it’s accepting changes that are brutal and debilitating BUT once you emmerse yourself as you have been doing new lessons will always be learnt, some good some not so….but always valuable. I know what you mean when you feel the time is slipping by but you are achieving things by keeping going & staying as positive as you can. You are preparing but in a different way. Keep going I feel you will discover & have new things in your life.

    I know my body is failing me with my liver disease, kidney disease , Crohn’s disease & OsteoArthritis but at the moment I am still living with my Sister & caring for her. I will be in a similar situation to you. I just don’t think working at a job will be an option, though maybe a few hrs would somehow be achievable. So I know by the end of the year my life will have more changes into the unknown that I will have to make the most of. It’s quite tricky adjusting to limitations, but to still have goals dreams & wishes. My vision board will change but there will always be things to acheive it’s finding those ” things” and being thankful for the. Stirs & beauty around. I have just picked a bunch of very fragrant sweet peas from the garden they are my favourite scented flower I am staying with a friend to celebrate another friends Birthday. A trip to the coast to stay over & see my friends new apartment, I am going to make the most of this trip. Hope to put some photos up too!

    I am sending you positive healing thoughts & blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks Deborah it has been a long learning process but I feel that I and ultimately you too will find our place. It’s just a matter of time until we have the lives we are happy with and enjoying in our own way. Enjoy your trip xx

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    • Deborah

      Hi Margaret I feel this is so true, I am sure some positivity will come soon. I really enjoyed my time away with my two very lovely friends . It was just a day out & a night away but I got so much out of it…. I am grateful for everyone I have in my life & I just have to reach out when I need support. I usually though manage myself! Sending positive vibes as always to you & blessings in abundance .x

      Liked by 1 person

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