Tag Archives: belief

Breaking Through The Blockages

Three weeks into the new year and I find myself procrastinating again. I feel as if I am on the verge on a breakthrough, yet something is holding me back. I have plans, I have thoughts and ideas in my mind and in my heart but still it does not seem the right thing to do.

I am perplexed at the way my mind is working at this moment. I know what I need to do, I have it all ready to work on. The blockage that I am faced with at this moment seems larger than it should. Now whether this blockage is just me being me or whether there is something else on the horizon is the number one question.

I know what I am like. I see how I work, I completely understand how I work, but yet, I do not feel totally comfortable with my plans. Old beliefs and barriers keep reappearing, making it all the more harder to make decisions.

The main obstacle in my thinking is about abundance. I come from a family where my parents worked hard to get what they wanted. I never went without while I was a child. It has only been as I have grown older than things turned pear shaped. Do I expect too much? Do I expect too little?

Are my plans something that will come so easily that I do not feel worthy of it? Do I still, although I have tried not too, believe that only from working my butt off will I ever amount to anything. Why am I so scared of being successful, of having the home I want, of having money to buy and do whatever I want? Why do I feel that getting things easily is cheating? Is playing the victim and the oh poor me card so much more desirable?

One way or another I am going to have to find something that just tips the edge my way. Something that shows me without doubt that I am worthy of the life I wish to live. Something that shows me that my dreams are not all fantasy. My one step forward seems to have landed in a block of concrete from which I can not move.

Old patterns of behaviour, old memories, old failures all come flooding back when I think I am ready to move on. Pushing them back down inside has become such a chore and not an efficient one at that. If anything, this year has shown me that it is different and so I must face these tests with a new thought process.

The comfort zone has become somewhat of a prison, and one from which I must find an escape route. The old ways no longer work, they keep the walls firmly in place and stronger than ever. Now is the time to make the changes that I have needed and asked for, for so long.

I have proved over and over that the law of attraction works. Whatever I have asked for I have always received. It is time to make those requests more positive. To ask for what I want instead of mulling over past hurts and injustices. To focus on the life I want not the life I wish to run away from. Practice they say, makes perfect, and so with that in mind spending more time living in the now, living as if, and planning for the inevitable changes must become a priority.

My procrastination in the past has led to the universe forcing the much needed changes upon me. Not always in the way that has led to improvement and growth. Now I must push for those changes myself. Not totally in control of them, yet steering the ship more evenly than before.

Another step forward, although not in a physical sense but more in a mind set way has to be an improvement from standing still. And so, onwards again, I move that little bit closer to where I aim to be. As my mind and heart adjusts to the thoughts of being worthy and valuable, so my life moves in that direction. I have complete faith that this time the changes will make a difference.

And that faith, for me, is one giant leap forward.

Margaret ❤

 

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A New Cycle

As thoughts of 2016 fade away, 2017 comes in with fresh energy and hope. A new cycle of nine begins with a number one year. The energy of one is exciting, special and hopeful. The dreams and goals that we think about on the first day of a year, are strong in our minds and hearts.

I have not made any New Year’s resolutions this year. I am happy to let the past disappear without a fuss and allow this new year to emerge as it will. I do have plans and goals for the year, but the pressure of resolutions is not there. I know what I want to be and do, and this time around I will not put any limitations upon them.

As we move through the first few weeks of the year, I will tweak my plans and make sure that what I intend for this year is inline with my heart and soul. This year is my year, one in which I will take the reins and do what feels right to me, not what others expect of me.

The difference I felt when I woke this morning was significant. As I drifted towards a negative mindset, I was able to knock it out of my head almost instantaneously. It was replaced quickly with thoughts that turned it all around with a positive spin. A nice surprise and an amazing way to start off the new year.

This is a year of taking chances, making new choices and doing things in a different way. The end of a nine year cycle allows us to release what has built up over so long and replace it with hope and joy. What has gone before is no longer relevant and must be changed in order to allow a new path the chance to expand and develop.

My wish for this year is, to firstly regain my health, then work on ideas I have for my work life. As my health improves, it will release the tension and stress that has kept me small for far too many years. I have ideas to send out into the world, that ideally will help expand the choices of the people who have chosen to listen to what I have to say.

This year I approve of myself. This year I expect the very best from myself and those around me. This year I choose to accept what is offered. This year I choose to love and accept myself. This year I choose to start again, a new beginning, with new ideas, new goals and new energy.

This year is the year to take the little seed of intention and develop it into a full and amazing lifestyle. By years end I fully intend to be well on my way. All the basics will be put into place, all the ideas will be set into motion and all my goals will have their structure sorted.

Use this year to make your plans, to get things started. Dream big and go large. You are worth more than you really understand. You have much to offer those around you as well as the world as a whole. Allow yourself to go after what it is you daydream of. Give yourself permission to be the you that lies buried deeply within. Don’t hold back this year, this is your time, now go out and do it!

Margaret ❤

 

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Towards The Years End

So it seems Christmas is upon us. Such a beautiful time of the year for many but this year like so many others I am struggling. For the first time in my 56 years I am bypassing Christmas. Things have not worked out the way I assumed they would this year. It has been a very tough and challenging year to say the least.

I know there is a lesson in here somewhere, but at the moment I am struggling to see it. For many of us, this year, a universal 9 year has been one of struggle, oppression, pain, anger and endings. To say that many of us are looking forward to a new start next year, is an understatement.

I have let go of so much this year and allowed some to slip from my fingers. I know it is all for the best, but sometimes it is hard to see the blessing amongst it all. Eventually it will all settle down, and as the new universal 1 year brings in fresh energy, we will all rise above our problems and begin to make the changes and alterations needed to make the next 9 year cycle one of love, peace and abundance.

Getting to that beginning though will be a hard journey, even though it is only a few more days, it is going to be the longest time of the year. Surrounded by negative energy and feelings of helplessness only brings it down even further. No matter how many people tell me to have faith and things will work out, they are not the ones wondering how they will pay their rent or what have I got in my house that I can sell to pay the bills. It is hard to see the sunshine when you are among the storm clouds.

Faith is something that I am trying so very hard to have but everyday something else happens that hits me fair and square in the face and lets me know in no uncertain way, that nope not finished with you yet.

I am one of those people who always leave important things to the last minute. My faith allowed me to be able to wait and I had an unwavering knowledge that it would all be okay and it was. This time however there are more lessons to learn and my last minute has come and gone, with no rescue in sight.

The more faith I have the better I feel, and my body responds by feeling better. When I am too stressed however, then the pain comes back in a different part of my body. Currently my middle back. It seems too hard and painful to take a deep breath, so I move about gingerly trying to get it all to relax. The other day it was my arm. I moved something I shouldn’t have and ended up with pain so severe that I almost called an ambulance.

The connection between pain and thoughts and feelings and my energy is very clear. In order to release myself permanently of this pain, I have to release all the negativity and stress that is currently running my life. So stuck between a rock and a hard place, I have no idea which way to go. To release the stress and worry requires money at the least, a job at best.

It’s funny, I am in a group on Facebook all about manifesting. I read the stories of people who miraculously have what they need come to them just in the nick of time and wonder what am I doing wrong, because it doesn’t work for me. Some have money just appear for them on the ground in front of them, some have cheques arrive unexpectedly in the mail. Tried the cheque thing, didn’t work. At least no bills have arrived though. I go for a walk to help my leg heal more and cannot even find five cents on the path.

Maybe I am allergic to money?

The common theme for all those who have manifested their rescue package is the same, have faith and what you need will appear. What if it doesn’t?, and I know it doesn’t for a lot of people. There are people in my area living in their cars because either deep down they only expect to be able to have that or because it is a part of their journey in this lifetime. I have even decided that I must be cursed in some way, or the universe is playing a big joke on me. Let her get so close to succeeding then we will pull the chair out from under her again. That is so much fun….not!

In the end, I do not know how it will happen but I know it will happen. Things will work out, they always do, it’s just taking a little longer this time. All the signs are around me for success and prosperity and abundance, I am just not seeing them clearly or pushing them away.

I know what happens outside of me is caused by what happens within me. All this is teaching me a huge lesson in accepting help. Something which is very hard for me to do. I have always been the one to help, regardless of whether I could afford the time or money to do so. Now I am in the position of having to ask for help and it is very unsettling, a very strange and odd feeling. I am having a hard time accepting it, but until I do then this lesson will not end.

I will make the best of Christmas this year and plan on making next Christmas one to remember. As long as I see my boys and my parents, then Christmas is a success. This year will be one of who is there rather than who got what.

As this year closes out, remember to send out positive energy. There are many of us who need that little boost just to remind us we are loved and needed. There are many all over the world who have absolutely nothing and no way to change that. While I and others may lament our own failures and lack, putting it all into context with the entire planet shows me that I am abundant, I am loved and I am successful.

Margaret ❤

 

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One Step Up

So it seems the negativity of my writing of late has had an impact on me. When I read back what I write, I cry. Not for what I have written and what I have been through, I cry because I  have released it. Without the writing that I do, all of this bad energy would still be stuck inside me and growing. It always feels much better to let it all out.

In the past I have always kept everything to myself. It didn’t matter what it was, I never let others know how I was feeling. This blog was my opportunity to express my fears, my pain and my negativity. It allowed me to work through it all as I wrote. I never expected anyone to read it, and if I did, then it would not have been as honest as it is.

Sharing what you feel and how you respond and react to what happens around you, is a very personal and humbling experience. It takes me down to my lowest and allows me to make space for the highest to enter. What I write helps me, and if it helps one other person on the planet then it is all worth it.

Last night after writing and posting I felt horrible. I felt the negativity of my energy and of my thoughts. I felt bad that I had unleashed it on the world. I felt bad that others had read it. It all contributed to even more negative energy and when I went to bed last night, it manifested as pain. An ache in every part of my body, and nothing I did helped until I took pain killers. Although I dislike taking anything, I felt I had no choice.

The pain killers allowed my body to relax and allowed me to sleep deeply and when I woke I felt much better. As I fell asleep I also visualized the bad energy and the pain lifting from my body.  So today I am one step up from where I was yesterday.

Never, ever underestimate one step up. The miracle that if affords does more than anything else ever could. Although it may not look like it to those around me, I have changed overnight. That one little step up has lightened the load considerably. I am no longer rock bottom. I am no where near the top but I am one step closer to it.

Today I have decided that feeling sorry for myself will no longer do. Today I have decided that there is a future for me. Today I have decided to live. Today I will make new plans, chase new goals and ensure I do something, anything, everyday to make those plans my reality.

I know deep inside me there is something I can offer the world. My fear and negativity has blocked it for so long that finding it again may take some time. But, find it I will and this time do something with it. I have allowed my emotions to control my existence for so long that I always second guess everything. I make a choice that I know is right for me and then spend so much time thinking, is this right? Did I do the wrong thing? What if I made a mistake?

I need to learn to trust my intuition, to go with my first instincts. The second guessing is where it all falls apart. So listen, and act and go with your first thoughts. See how far you can take it and then and only then can you be sure. Deciding then second guessing without even trying is just a waste of time and leads to failure. If you don’t try you will never know and then will spend your life regretting it.

Yesterday I wrote that I had an idea, one that felt right for me. I also felt that it wasn’t time. Second guessing again. Today I am going to revisit that idea and take it that one step up and see where it leads me. I will take all my notes and put them into somewhat of an order. A base from which to expand and develop my idea into something concrete. I will get excited and I will use that excitement to push me to keep going.

And tomorrow, I will take another step up.

Margaret ❤

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A Taste Of Belief

aa-michael

What do you do when you allow things to get to you so much that you end up depressed and very down? It is such hard work pulling myself up from the bottom of the barrel every time I drop. Through everything that has happened in the last 18 months, I have tried to stay positive. Everything will work out, it will all fall into place. I have believed that up until yesterday.

Yesterday started out okay, I woke up early and feeling good. I got out of bed and had my coffee. My son went to work for the day, my parents came and dropped some more of their belongings off to store while they move house. Then they went home. I spent the rest of the day alone.

Yesterday was my birthday.

The one day of the year that I look forward to, and the one day of the year that always lets me down. I try to think positively and expect a good day. Deep down inside I expect it to be like every other birthday and it is. The one day of the year that makes me cry and that I want to forget the minute it is over.

Combined with the energies of the super full moon, it made yesterday and today very emotional. Adding emotional stress to my already sore body and mind. It makes me put out a vibration of pain, fear, aloneness and unworthiness like no other day of the year.

Every year I tell myself it will be different. I will be happier, I will be gentle with myself and every year I get a little depressed and bring the walls crumbling down around me. As the poor me energy washes over me while I try desperately to climb above it all, I feel helpless and useless all at once. I know to expect this energy, I know to prepare myself, but every year I am always unprepared for the depth of feelings that this day brings.

Adding to the stress I am already under with my health issues and lack of a job, it is something that I just do not need at the moment, and it undermines what ever strength I have left to fight. Writing it all down helps, it makes me see how I feel and what I am feeling. It helps me to understand that I can get through it, it is not as bad as I think it is.

Everything around me points to prosperity and abundance, the right job and income will appear, things will fall into place easily and quickly. But all I see is a wall, I cannot seem to get around it and take what is being offered. I don’t know which way to turn to find the way through. I am stuck in a maze of illusion and self pity. I smell the victim in myself and yet cannot do anything to push through it all.

There must be a way to get through, and when I do find it I will wonder why I did not see it before. I am allowing the wall of defeat to block me, I am allowing my stress and fear to overcome me. I am allowing all that is good in my life to slip past me, the opportunities not seen, nor taken. I cannot go on like this. I must make a stand, for my sanity and for my health.

I must dig deeper than the victim, deeper than the self pity and dig myself out of the hole that no one but me can see. Everyone around me can see what lies before me, but me. I am blind to what awaits me and the blindness is fear. I sit and laugh at the thought of being fearful of having what I want. What is so scary about being successful? What is so scary of having the life I have always dreamed of? Why do I feel I need to stay stuck in this big deep hole?

As another birthday passes, and more opportunities are frittered away, I wonder what my purpose is. What do I gain from wasting my life being afraid? Why can’t I take that chance, grab it with both hands and run with it? What do I need to push me to take that one small step that will set everything on course for the life of my dreams?

Next year my birthday will be different. Next year I will celebrate like I never have before. Next year I will not allow it to be as it always has. One step is all it takes, one little, big fat scary step. One step that I must take to escape from the prison I have confined myself to. That step is to believe, just believe.

Margaret ❤

 

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