Tag Archives: changes

Stirring From The Slumber.

Well it has been another month since I have sat down to write. It seems that the months of this year are flying by so quickly. I have spent the last month or so trying to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life.

Everything up until the last year or two was heading in a certain direction and now I don’t feel the same excitement or anticipation in that path. Things have most certainly changed in my life and now I have the opportunity, within reason, to do anything I want. The problem is that I now have no direction. Things pop into my mind and I feel that it is a good option, only for it to disappear quickly and days go by before I remember that I had a plan.

It seems that the plan for my life is still hidden behind a wall, one that I have not been able to penetrate yet. I understand the wall is of my own making and yet I cannot seem to see beyond that blankness in front of me. As I sit to write I contemplate what has happened in my life over the past few months and still have difficulty in writing about it all.

The financial stresses for the most part have eased and now I find myself trying to focus on the future with apprehension. My health dictates what I can and cannot do at the moment and that weighs heavily on my mind. Before this illness I had plans for the future, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to be, and now that those plans have dissolved I feel lost.

I am beginning to feel a little robotic, in that I wake in the morning, spend far too much time on the computer and then it is bed time. The days are slipping away and I have nothing to show for it. I have written before of my penchant for list writing, but even that does not produce any viable options.

I have been pushed so far out of my comfort zone that I feel that I am slipping back into a life of meaninglessness. My mind craves expansion and recreation of the memories of wonder and learning. If I do not have purpose in my life then I have nothing and fear that I will slip into the monotonous drudgery of the majority of humans upon this planet.

Without purpose and reason we have the tendency to drift along on the currents of life, until we find ourselves a few years or decades down the track waking from the dream of routine and regret. It is so easy to slip into this comfortable space and dream our dreams, but, we need to ensure that we take the action that these dreams require.

The challenge now for me, is to find something to focus on that can grow into a life that I can be proud of. Where my dreams and goals once again take a step forward. Although I have an illness that prevents me from living the life I had envisioned, I now have the opportunity to move onto a new and full life.

I have said once before that this period of my life would be a lesson that I would be grateful for in the future, and I still believe this. It is up to me to stir from the slumber I have drifted into and bring the new opportunities forward. Once again I must make a commitment to finding my life’s purpose.

Margaret ❤

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Facing The Truth

It has been over a month since I have sat down to write and still I am not sure what I can write about. The last few months have become so dreamlike as I work to keep myself in reality. The time has flown by so quickly. I almost feel like I have taken a holiday from the real world.

Even sitting here now I do not feel totally here. This disease and the financial and medical issues that go along with it have taken its toll. I go through days of wishing to have my old life back, which is not an option nor is it one that truthfully I want, to trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life.

The old life was a job I grew to dislike intensely and so this disease whilst painful and limiting also served to push me from the comfort of that unwanted life. Although we say we want change, we want the new, it is still a very hard job trying to get yourself to take that step. The fear that goes along with the new can sometimes keep us trapped in situations we no longer want but leave us frozen in a space that feels comfortable.

While I did desire a new beginning and a new life I could not take that step out of fear of failure, fear of not having enough money, even fear of what a new life would bring me. In the end because I could not take that step myself, the choice was taken away from me. I was forced into a new way of being, which was painful on so many levels.

Now I face a future where nothing is guaranteed. I feel like a teenager about to leave school and wondering what do I want to be, what do I want to achieve in this lifetime. I have pondered these thoughts constantly over the past few weeks and although ideas pop into my head, none of them seem to be achievable at the moment.

I struggle daily with the lack of independence, with the lack of choice and with the problems of a body that is not able to be and do what my mind knows is possible. The intention of doing some housework or something creative or even go for a walk is destroyed by the fact that my body is not capable of it. To go from being independent and able and in control to fatigue, constant pain and the anger that comes with it, is stressful and soul destroying.

I know there is something out there for me to do, I just need to find it. When I do I know that the sense of purpose will return and my life will once again have meaning. Until then I try to defeat the negative thoughts and try to stay as positive as possible.

My withdrawal from the world and the reality around me is serving to at least allow me to think a little more clearly than I have over the last year. As things fall into place around me and I understand what my life now is, I begin to come to terms with it. Once I have control of my thoughts and feelings then my life’s purpose will appear and I will embrace the meaning and lesson of this disease and its role in bringing the changes that were so desperately needed.

I will eventually give thanks for this time in my life as the catalyst to a new and beautiful time. Remember to always be careful with your thoughts and words. If you cannot take the steps to go after what you want, that choice will be taken out of your hands. You will get what you want but it may be in a completely different way to what you envision.

Margaret ❤

 

 

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Living The Lessons

The days seem to be flying at the moment. Almost half way through the year and the more I think about it, the more I feel that I have wasted so much time. The plans that were made at the end of the previous year all fell by the wayside quite quickly.

I had so many dreams and goals for this year. Especially after the year from hell that was 2016. Yet 2017 which promised a new beginning and a fresh new start, continued the same energy of last year. The more I tried to plan the more things went down hill.

Before you know it, the year is half way through and nothing has been achieved. I feel as if I have spent an enormous amount of time doing nothing and then feeling regret for letting this time slip away. Now is the time for me, and anyone else feeling the same way, to make a concerted effort to spend the rest of this year fully engaged in living in a more authentic way.

I find for myself if I decide that I am going to do something that I need to do it immediately. Otherwise it ends up being put on the back burner, along with so many other thoughts, dreams and goals. I am a list maker. I find myself lost for hours when I write lists of what to do, where to go, what to buy.

I recently cleaned out a chest in my room that was full of lined exercise books. These books were filled with list after list of my hopes and dreams, none of which came to fruition. All left to gather dust in a dark place. My habits seem to push me into this dark place where I am allowed to dream but not allowed to bring these dreams to life.

So how do you change the habits that have been with you for a lifetime? No matter what you read or who you ask, it is not a simple thing to release these habits and change your life in a quick and easy way. It takes discipline to change a habit. It takes repetition to change a habit.

After everything that has happened in the last two years, I now have an opportunity to make these changes. Knowing where to start is a problem though. I am so stuck in my ways that even now that I no longer can work, I still wake at the same time of the morning, I still shower as if I am preparing to go to work. Then I find myself sitting at the computer and getting lost in whatever I decide to look at.

Before I know it, time has slipped by and it is dinner time, and another day has been wasted. The first thing I need to do is to understand that I am not and have not wasted this time. I have spent so much of the last two years in pain that my body requires this slowing down. I need to adapt to how my life will be from this moment on. I can no longer do what I have always done.

The physical limitations have sapped my energy and the resulting frustration makes me give up at times. Now though as I find different ways to do the things I need and want to do, I tend to push myself a bit more. There is always a way to do something and if there is a way I will find it. I refuse to live the rest of my life missing out on the things I have always loved to do and the things that that I have always wanted to do.

If anything, this disease has taught me to find a new way of living, a way that very clearly I needed to understand. I fought against this for so long, but now as I make the changes needed in order to live, I have come to understand that all is not lost. I can still have the life I have always wanted, I just need to go about it in a different way.

This has been a huge lesson for me. From the pain to the financial problems to the everyday physical limitations, all this has taught me that there is a way and there always will be a way. You just have to find what suits you and how you can arrange things so you don’t feel like you are missing out on something.

As my life falls into place in a new way I look forward to the new opportunities that this disease will bring to me. It has served to push me out of my comfort zone and out of my habitual brain dead life. My hope is that the rest of this life is spent discovering new ways of being and new things to learn.

My time of giving up is over and now as I work towards making the changes that are so overdue in my life, I intend to take each step slowly and with the knowledge that I am giving myself the absolute best chance of a beautiful life.

I wish you all good living, good learning and good loving. Take a chance, make a change and look forward, no matter what, to the rest of your incredible life.

Margaret ❤

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Message From My Higher Self

In order to realise your dreams and move forward, you need to begin within. Your ideals and ideas are not configured into the one space and so you need to rearrange, as it were, the thoughts, ideas and ideals into a space of balance. A type of merging of what you want, while working on why you went through what you have and why, the lessons you have learned and the reasons for them.

Why do you feel less than others? Why do the opinions of others mean so much to you? Their opinions are not who you are and you have spent far too many years fitting yourself into the space that others have formed for you.

This is not the authentic you, this is not who you are or who you were meant to be. You have wandered so far off your path that you have lost your way and have become reliant on allowing others to lead you, and lead you they have. Not always into your perfect space and not always in your best interests.

Releasing and letting go of all you have held onto for so many years is the way out of this confining space. You must start within, that is the only place to begin and all will fail without this work. Do not fear this going within, for it is a path chosen by you in order to to find your way back to authenticity.

The real you aches to be released. You know this. You have thoughts and ideas of what you should look like, what you should be doing and how you should be living. Yet you still push it all away because it does not fit with the thoughts and ideas of those around you. You have allowed far too many people to take over the running of your life and in order to progress you must take back your power.

We understand the human difficulties you face weigh heavily on your mind and know that this prohibits you from relaxing  enough to allow healing. We also know that you do have the power within you to overcome this and so much more.

Look back at the life you have lived, how many times have you overcome disaster, poverty, depression, anger, panic and fear? Then realise that things always work out. You will do so again but it is up to you to learn this lesson for one last time in order to release it and let it go. If you do not then it will be repeated many times over until you understand and move forward.

This is not a forecast of doom and gloom, you are quite capable. More than you realise and comparing yourself to others over the years has worn down your confidence and your get up and go. This is why you procrastinate so much, you fully expect to do the work and have it either taken away from you or have it all fall apart and have to begin again.

We know you tire of beginning again and have no wish to repeat over and over again. This however is your choice and only you can change this. You know this to be true. We will assist as you ask but the work must be done by you. You have to want to change. You have to want to give up your past and all that it entails. You have to want to move into success.

Your intention in all of this is what is important. Know that you are more than capable. we repeat this because it is important and it is something that you push away and yet you desire it so much. Rely now upon your own inner thoughts for they are what rule your life, not what others think. What they think or do is their choice and what they mirror upon you is their own feelings of failure that they have no desire to take ownership of.

Reflect this back to where it has come from and look at your own authentic self and see the truth. We only wish for you to live as you wish to and regardless of the choices you make, we will guide and assist you. If you still choose to follow the path of the past we will be with you, but here you will become stuck.

You will not make any progress upon your path until you make the changes needed. This is your moment to alter the path you are on and to make the huge changes that weigh so heavily upon your mind and heart. Know that they are important and that you will survive and flourish when you so choose. It is your choice and choose you must. Think carefully and follow your inner most thoughts as this is the way for you.

We are here and we love you and we will always love you.

Margaret ❤

 

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Resting On A Plateau

When you get so far on your spiritual journey and you feel that you have come to a standstill, what do you do? What do you think? At times I have felt like melting back to most of the population of this planet. Those who live one day at a time, one pay check at a time. Those whose most important decision of the day is what to have for dinner. Those who live with the status quo regardless of whether or not they agree with it. Those who have decided that saving the world is for someone else.

Is there a sense of freedom by not having the worlds very existence on your shoulders? Or are they just still asleep with no need nor want to wake up to what is actually happening around them. Is there less pressure on those who get up in the morning, go to work, come home, have dinner, go to bed and do it all again? Every single day.

Do they not feel the energy in the air around them? Do they not feel the magic that surrounds their very existence? Do they not feel the power that lies dormant within them, itching to be released and let loose upon a world so overdue for their input?

I sometimes wonder if they feel anything at all. I can watch a movie and it activates the empath within me. I cry at parts that have no need for tears, yet they spill forth simply and easily. I can look at a flowers petals unfurling as it blooms for the first time, and see the wonder and the beauty in it. I can sense the almighty power and presence that surrounds me constantly and look on in awe as it weaves its way through the lives of everyone around me.

No, I have no wish to return to the days before it all made sense. I have no desire to live like a rat in a cage doing the same things over and over and over. I have no desire to go back to the not knowing what I am made of, where I have come from and where I am heading.

These small plateaus are needed, they are resting places for our souls. In this time and space where things happen so much more quickly than before. Where our desires are manifested with speed because we truly believe in them. We need these small breaks as a time to see what we have done, to understand what we must do next. To know that we are truly on the right path. They make us think, they make us question. They make us understand the depths we are to strive for and the heights we can achieve.

And so, as I rest upon my plateau and dream of all still to be achieved. I watch the world around me try to break free from the hold of the mundane and the ordinary. I wait to see those souls who finally see the truth of their being come alive, to wake up and be aware of what surrounds them. Then onwards I will go again. Moving towards the next level of my incarnation. The next lesson to learn and achieve and the next plateau of understanding and rest.

Never doubt your journey nor your place. For within these rest periods lie the seeds of the greatness you are yet to become. Be thankful for the chance to stop and see what, where and how you have become you, and to see your next goals and dreams appear before you. Go with the magic that runs through your veins. The power and the passion of the source of all around you. Breathe it in and allow it to merge with your soul as you ride this journey home.

Margaret ❤

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Breaking Through The Blockages

Three weeks into the new year and I find myself procrastinating again. I feel as if I am on the verge on a breakthrough, yet something is holding me back. I have plans, I have thoughts and ideas in my mind and in my heart but still it does not seem the right thing to do.

I am perplexed at the way my mind is working at this moment. I know what I need to do, I have it all ready to work on. The blockage that I am faced with at this moment seems larger than it should. Now whether this blockage is just me being me or whether there is something else on the horizon is the number one question.

I know what I am like. I see how I work, I completely understand how I work, but yet, I do not feel totally comfortable with my plans. Old beliefs and barriers keep reappearing, making it all the more harder to make decisions.

The main obstacle in my thinking is about abundance. I come from a family where my parents worked hard to get what they wanted. I never went without while I was a child. It has only been as I have grown older than things turned pear shaped. Do I expect too much? Do I expect too little?

Are my plans something that will come so easily that I do not feel worthy of it? Do I still, although I have tried not too, believe that only from working my butt off will I ever amount to anything. Why am I so scared of being successful, of having the home I want, of having money to buy and do whatever I want? Why do I feel that getting things easily is cheating? Is playing the victim and the oh poor me card so much more desirable?

One way or another I am going to have to find something that just tips the edge my way. Something that shows me without doubt that I am worthy of the life I wish to live. Something that shows me that my dreams are not all fantasy. My one step forward seems to have landed in a block of concrete from which I can not move.

Old patterns of behaviour, old memories, old failures all come flooding back when I think I am ready to move on. Pushing them back down inside has become such a chore and not an efficient one at that. If anything, this year has shown me that it is different and so I must face these tests with a new thought process.

The comfort zone has become somewhat of a prison, and one from which I must find an escape route. The old ways no longer work, they keep the walls firmly in place and stronger than ever. Now is the time to make the changes that I have needed and asked for, for so long.

I have proved over and over that the law of attraction works. Whatever I have asked for I have always received. It is time to make those requests more positive. To ask for what I want instead of mulling over past hurts and injustices. To focus on the life I want not the life I wish to run away from. Practice they say, makes perfect, and so with that in mind spending more time living in the now, living as if, and planning for the inevitable changes must become a priority.

My procrastination in the past has led to the universe forcing the much needed changes upon me. Not always in the way that has led to improvement and growth. Now I must push for those changes myself. Not totally in control of them, yet steering the ship more evenly than before.

Another step forward, although not in a physical sense but more in a mind set way has to be an improvement from standing still. And so, onwards again, I move that little bit closer to where I aim to be. As my mind and heart adjusts to the thoughts of being worthy and valuable, so my life moves in that direction. I have complete faith that this time the changes will make a difference.

And that faith, for me, is one giant leap forward.

Margaret ❤

 

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A Change In Circumstances

Well the new year is now well underway and from my perspective there has been a change in the energy. Going from the stagnant thick and dense energy of the years end to a much lighter and more positive energy has been worth the wait.

Since my fall in the last few days of 2016 I have had more blood tests in order to find out what is causing all my pain. The results have come back with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Now I am waiting for an appointment with a specialist to see just what can be done. At the moment though, it means no working. which is making things very hard.

The rent and bills are still needing to be paid so I am still trying to sell the things I own in order to do so. Centrelink has finally come through with new start assistance but as the payment does not even cover my rent, things are still very stressful. Selling my possessions is still going to have to happen to get through this period. Until I see the specialist and get confirmation and treatment, I won’t know where I stand.

Not being able to apply for or actually do a new job is also on my mind. I get bored very easily and these last 4 months at home have been hard. Everyone loves to have a break from work but when it is forced on you it makes a difference. Whether or not I will ever be able to rejoin the normal workforce is something that will be decided by the specialist.

For the moment I am trying to find out as much as I can about this illness. I know that it is not curable at this time but I need to find out what I can do to help myself. The better I take care of myself the faster I will be able to get my life back on track.

While I wait for things to sort out I will try to concentrate on the course and book that I have planned. For the last couple of stressful weeks they have taken a back seat as I tried desperately to get the money I needed. Family have come to my rescue this month and for that I will be eternally grateful.

There have been moments where I thought, I give up. Nothing seemed to be going okay and nothing was working in my favor. Giving up though, is failure and that is not an option for me at this time in my life. I do have the advantage of being able to look at different options. Although I have been banned from working for the next couple of months at least, there is always something that I can learn which may help in forming some sort of home based income that will allow me to live while I heal.

So onwards and upwards, as this new year energy swirls around me, I intend to take advantage of it. I know that things will work out eventually. What I have asked for has happened and what I now ask for will happen. I now understand how being vague in my thoughts and ideas have lead to where I am today. From now on I intend to be more precise with what I ask for and allow the universe to improve upon my ponderings.

Be specific in what you ask for otherwise, while you may get what you ask for, you may get it in a completely different way to what you thought. I asked to be free of my job, I am. I asked for a rest, I got it. What I forgot to make clear was that I required a new job that suited my abilities and for the rest to be a healthy one instead of a forced recovery one.

Think about what you want. Be specific in what you want, then leave it all up to the universe to make your life even better than you could have imagined. What may seem like doom and gloom for me now, has the potential to turn into the best thing that ever happened to me. No more poor me, from now on it is all about using this experience as a spring board to the life I have always dreamed of.

Think about your own life. What has or is happening that you could use to make the leap into your perfect life. Find something that impels you to make a better choice, to take a bigger chance, to think a little clearer. Then go for it!

Margaret ❤

 

 

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