Tag Archives: Choice

Sunset Of The Old Life

imag0747

When you feel like just stopping and giving up for a while and then something happens that just spurs you on for a little bit longer. That’s how my day feels today. I am tired and feeling a bit weak today but I am not going to dwell on that. Instead I am going to focus on what is good about it.

Now I am sure that although I feel like death warmed up, that there is something positive in all I have been through in the last 16 months. I needed a rest, well I got my rest. I needed to remove myself from a less than positive work space, I resigned from my job. I finally gave in and allowed someone to help me with my healing, and although it is taking so long to heal, I feel that my attitude and mindset are somewhat to blame.

I sit here thinking, how am I going to work a full week, let alone a full day if I can’t walk properly yet. Maybe I am not supposed to go back to very physical work. I haven’t really thought too much about what will happen when the money runs out. I intend this time to allow my body to feel its aches and pains and to heal in its own way and its own time. While this happens I have the opportunity to look into different ways of earning money.

So this is where the positive part kicks in. I may not be ready for physical work yet, but there is nothing stopping me from looking at the other options which are slowly beginning to come into view. All this pain and negativity has brought me to a point in my life where I am able to make the changes that for so long I have denied.

There are many things that I can do if only I give them a try, and to limit myself to just one form of income is not a wise choice for me or anyone for that matter. There is potential for something great to be born from the last 16 months. Where before I felt strong and knew I was capable of anything, the universe has shown me that no, I am not as strong as I thought I was. This doesn’t mean that I will not recover my strength, because I am certain that I will eventually. Until that time my mind and my heart are what are strengthening.

The ideas that now flow through my mind that once I would have laughed at, are now beginning to become something that not only will work, but something that could lead, directly into my whole life’s purpose. Where before I was scared now I feel more confident. There is much within me that needs an outlet, that needs to be shared with the world around me. The plans I make now are exciting me rather than scaring me.

For now I am a work in progress, becoming what I feel I should have been all along but had denied myself because I thought there was only one way. There are many ways, many paths and so many ideas that are ready to be launched, if only we step back and allow ourselves to just be. How many ideas and how many good things have been missed out on because we felt we were not ready, nor good enough to let others know about them.

My health problems have allowed me to stop and reevaluate my entire life and put everything into perspective. My potential is only now, beginning to blossom. What I have held tightly inside for all these years, now has the opportunity to be released and be shared. So I continue to make my plans and take the little steps that will help me to achieve all that I have dreamed of for so long.

The excitement that I feel and the gratitude for my body breaking down to allow this, is something that I will never forget. My time is now.

Watch this space 😀

Margaret ❤

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Emerging

imag2239

Today I have been itching to do something, wasn’t really sure what, just knew I needed to move and do something. I have been sitting at home for the past few weeks, on holidays but technically I resigned so this is part of my notice. The only thing is I have been so used to working 6 days a week, that I am feeling a bit bored, a bit lonely. Sitting here at the computer or doing a little housework or just fluffing around the house and the local area is beginning to drive me nuts.

When I get bored, I know I need to make changes and so today I went back to a change that I used to do a lot. Moving the furniture around. Looking into each room of my house and seeing everything placed in the same way makes me feel drained. So moving the furniture around injects some new energy and life into the house.

So I got my paper and pencil and started to plan, I always plan and draw a floor plan to make sure things will fit before I do the heavy stuff. Now I have a clear picture of where everything needs to be moved in three rooms. It will take some work but it will be very much worth the effort.

It allows me to look at things that usually are ignored, they sit and collect dust and feel dull and dead. I now get to clean things and make them feel bright and shiny and new and if they don’t, then they go. It’s like moving house without the hassle. I get to declutter some rooms in the house and at the same time raise the vibration and energy within it.

Under normal circumstances I would change three rooms in an afternoon, but due to the current condition of my body that will not happen this time. It may take me a few days this time, but it will be done. By the time I am finished there will be bags for the op shop and bags for the rubbish and recycle bins. My ornaments and crystals will sparkle and shine and emit their energy clearly and lovingly.

As I look around the rooms at all that is in piles, or stuffed into drawers and cupboards, I feel a little down. There is so much holding me back. I had the thought the other day that if I moved into a brand new house and had the choice, what would I take with me. The answer, not surprisingly, was not very much. I am beginning to feel weighed down by the very things that I felt protected me. I felt safe with my “things”.

Now though, I feel them all crushing me, burying me deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit that I may never escape from. I am finally beginning to understand that it’s all just stuff, and stuff is not what I need anymore. I need freedom, the freedom to move without all that excess baggage dragging behind me. The things I thought I may need someday have never been needed, the I might use that’s have never been used.

All they do is collect dust and clutter up the space. I feel like I am suffocating. It’s time to move it all on. So now I will change the furniture, dust and clean, declutter and release. My energy will rise, the vibration of my home will elevate, and what I truly want will have the space to appear.

The act of letting go of possessions is hard. There is always a memory. Nostalgia though, is never a good reason to keep something. Unless it is so important that my life would go into melt down, then it probably needs to go. I have no inclination to spend the rest of my life dusting old memories. Now is the time for me to go out and make new memories, ones that I will cherish for the rest of this lifetime. Emotional memories, not stuff, no more stuff. I am over stuff.

I feel a new era emerging for me, a time where I can go out and make something special happen. To do what I was born to do. It all starts with clearing the stuff and clearing the energy. I shall emerge from the bottomless pit, excited and ready to take on new experiences.

It is time.

 

Margaret ❤

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Lifting The Fog of Guilt

IMAG0681

The fog is finally beginning to clear from my mind and body. For so long I have felt guilt with everything. Guilt for being me, guilt for not being me. Guilt for not doing enough, guilt for doing too much. Guilt for not being good enough, guilt for being too good. Whatever the situation, I have attached guilt to it in some way.

I have sabotaged myself and my happiness in so many ways over the years. I don’t allow myself to have fun, because I cannot afford it. Even though most things that would make me happy cost nothing. I overwork myself because I feel that I am needed and that is the only way to be appreciated. I have worked my body and mind so hard in order to achieve appreciation? a thank you? not even sure any more what I have worked so hard for. All I have is nothing to show for it.

I don’t have my own home, most of my “stuff” is second hand. I rarely have any money for emergencies let alone something fun for myself. I surround myself with other peoples stuff and other peoples crap and other peoples problems and then wonder why I am poor, tired, in pain and not able to get ahead. Who’s fault is it? Mine of course, which only now has hit me full on in the face. Of course I think I always knew that, but it was just a concept in the back of my mind which was not allowed out to be worked on and released.

A little earlier today I was coming back from the shops and I looked at the houses in the estate that I live in. Some are beautiful, they have gardens and an aura of prosperity and abundance. As I looked I felt my energy drop, but then something went ding in my brain and suddenly my energy soared. I too could have that abundant and prosperous feeling.

As I thought about having what I always wanted to have, feelings of guilt started to intrude. Not this time, back off, I am enjoying this feeling of freedom. I realised that I could have what I wanted, I could be what I wanted to be and I could feel how I wanted to feel, if only I release the guilt associated with it all.

Mind you that will be much harder than thinking it and writing it. Guilt has a sneaky way of sliding into cracks in your mind when you are not concentrating. It hides and jumps out at you when you least expect it and when it can do the most damage. The trick is to see it and deal with it as it happens. I know I will slip and feel unworthy again, it’s only human to slip back into patterned behavior. My patterns are decades old and deeply entrenched and will take a monumental effort on my part to release.

I will from now on attempt to focus on what I want not what I don’t want. I will think about and feel the happiness that comes with achieving my dreams and goals, and I will at every opportunity kick guilt out of my head and heart and not look back. I know I am not alone, there are so many of us that feel we do not deserve anything nice, or good luck or happiness. But we do, all of us. We are not better people if we have nothing. We are not better people if we think that by saying no we are better than others, stronger than others. No, it makes us weaker, it makes us and those around us unhappy and makes them feel unworthy and sad.

Negativity has a way of expanding rapidly and taking down all those around us, if we let it. Positive energy on the other hand expands much more rapidly and reaches so many more people and raises the energy of everything around us. We deserve this feeling, we deserve this expansion and most of all we deserve to be who and what we are. We deserve the love that is just sitting there waiting for us to say yes, the love that will allow us to accept ourselves and all that is good around us.

So no more guilt. Replace it with gratitude, replace it with joy. Replace it with “stuff” good stuff not other peoples bad stuff. Whatever makes you happy, whatever gives you joy, whatever releases the guilt that is not needed. Do it. Right now, just do it and watch the world around you come to life. Happiness and joy are our birthright, they should be expected and not something that only other people have. We deserve and so shall we have.

Margaret ❤

 

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Manifesting Madness

IMAG2197

Today is the start of the second of my two weeks off. I feel much more rested and my brain is actually working. My body is healing but I still need to find some strength and energy. That will be this weeks focus. I have had the time over the past week to sit and think about my life. What do I want? Where do I want to be? What do I want to be? How and I going to get from here to there?

I started a manifesting ritual, a simple activity to imprint my desires into my heart and soul. With a smile on my face and my pen and paper at the ready, I started thinking about my first affirmation. So many things to choose from, what should be first? Do I want the money for things, or do I want the things? Which is the best way to phrase it all?

My first attempt was 4 lines long :/ Far too long to be writing out by hand multiple times.So I adapted it the next time, still a bit long but I persevered and made it through. Finished it all up and tucked it away somewhere that it will be safe. Now I wait for it to appear like magic in front of me. It happens for others so why not for me.

The part that is not made clear is that you actually have to do something in order for your desire to manifest. It’s all well and good to write out my affirmations, say them out loud and however anyone else tells you to do it, but, you have to actually do something. I can see many people sitting at their front doors waiting for a huge check that may never arrive, or waiting for that awesome job offer to appear even though the company does not know who you are or that you even want to work for them. So what do you have to do?

The written and vocal affirmations are just the beginning. If they make you smile, and raise your vibration, then they have done their job. Now get out there and apply for that job, or find a way to bring that huge check into your life. I know there are those who have manifested in this way, a check turns up out of the blue and things all fall into place magically. But that doesn’t happen for everyone, for some of us it takes a bit more work, a lot more faith and support from the universe around you.

Maybe I should try that. Sit in my lounge room every day for a month, meditating and affirming that a cheque for $100,000 is going to appear any second. It might work, it might not. What I do know is that for those that things like this happen to, they have done something in the past that allows for it to manifest. They may not remember what they did or how they did it, but somewhere along the way energy, their own energy was involved in helping things to fall into place.

Energy is the most important part, along with intention. You have to really want it, not just want it today and want something else tomorrow. The universe matches your energy with the energy of what you want. So whatever you have your intention set at, will manifest. Good or bad doesn’t matter, it’s all about the energy.

Have you ever looked at something and thought, I don’t want that to happen to me, or I don’t want that in my life. Then boom, it manifests almost before your eyes. Into your life like magic and so not welcome. Your intention was set on what you didn’t want, but the universe does not understand want or not want, it only understands energy. Where your energy is focused is where things happen. Whether you want it or not you will get it.

My own little manifesting affirmation is something that I have wanted for a long time, and also something that I never thought I could have. Although I have very focused intention on the goal and dream I also know that the negative part of the all this has, up until now, had the strongest energy. So this time I have focused on the feeling that having this manifest will bring me. Thinking about it makes me smile and gets me excited. This is the feeling and the energy that is needed to bring this all into being.

So now I have asked, I have focused, I have put all my most positive intent into it and have let it go. It will be tucked away somewhere safe while I get on with the business of living my life. Then one day I will find and open it and marvel at how quickly it all came about. How wonderful the universe is and how lucky I am. But deep down I will know that I have taken a small step every day in order to help this along. I may not have the money yet to achieve my dream, but I can do all the parts that don’t require money. I can and will put my happiness and focus into the little details that all come together to make my manifesting successful.

One step a day, just something little to help your dreams manifest is all it takes. So now it’s up to you. One small step a day or sitting waiting for it all to just arrive. What’s your choice?

Margaret ❤

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Moving On

When does it become apparent that it is time to move on? How do you know for sure that what you are feeling is right? Are you imagining what is going on around you? How uncomfortable do you have to be before you finally realise and say enough?

I have been in the same job for 10 years. It has changed a lot over those 10 years. The things I loved to do were taken away from me. Not because I did not do my job properly or that someone else was better at it, but because they are family and family has to come first. So I moved on to other duties and responsibilities and again they were taken away from me. Still I persisted and accepted the other jobs until I am at the stage where I am so unhappy and so uncomfortable that there seems to be no other choice but to leave.

For a long time I felt like those I worked with were friends, I was wrong. I have been left out of so much and never even knew it. I didn’t know when someone was going on holidays or where they were going. Everyone else did. I didn’t know the boss’s son was engaged, everyone else did. I didn’t even know one of the girls moved house, everyone else did. When I find out anything at all it is from the customers. It makes me feel so sad inside to finally understand that I am not and never have been a part of the family.

My job now consists of cleaning up after everyone else, and I mean everyone. I am so low on the ladder that I cannot even see the bottom rung anymore. If I don’t do what the others expect of me I get lectured. Not by the boss mind you, but by another staff member. It does not matter that I have been in constant pain 24 hours a day 7 days a week for over 6 months. No, I am not pulling my weight. I am not doing their work so they can have it easier.

I am at the point where I feel sick when I arrive in the carpark. I dislike walking into the shop. I watch the clock intently waiting for it to be home time, so that I can go somewhere I feel comfortable. My energy evaporates and what strength I currently have leaves me as soon as I walk in the door. My mind goes to the cleaning I have to do, the mess that needs to tidied up and put away. The bending and stretching that is required but causes pain.

So how do you move on from that, how do you stop and understand what is going on around you and make the changes required. I know I need to leave, for my own well being and sanity. I should have left a long time ago but felt obligated to stay. I felt like I was letting people down. Mostly I thought I was helpful and doing my job but all the while others were knocking my feet out from under me without me even noticing.

So now it is time for change. Not sure what to do and how to even begin to make the changes. I cannot simply up and walk away, life as it is forbids this. There are bills to pay, the landlord would like his rent paid, food to buy, and other commitments that cannot be just let go of.

For now, while I decide what it is that I want to do, as opposed to what I need to do, I will become stronger. I will keep to myself. If my colleagues do not wish to share with me, then so be it. I will make my plans and will execute them at the appropriate time. I will strengthen my energy field so that when i walk in the door a wall of doubt and negativity does not hit me in the face.

I will choose to have the life I want to have. Because choosing is the only way for it to happen. Wishing and dreaming do not have the power to make the major changes I am considering, it must be a choice. A soul based, heart led choice. One that will elevate my vibration and lead me to that which is waiting for me to accept it.

I will concentrate on the positive parts of my life. I will accept my pay check with gratitude and humbleness. I will pay my bills and my landlord with thanks for what they provide me. I will make my plans, I will make my changes, i will succeed in living the life I know I can have.

I have allowed this lower energy to suffocate me for far too long and now it must change. I see it and I feel it so deeply that it must be so. A new beginning is here and it is time to embrace it and to run with it. If you feel as stuck as I have then there is no other choice but to make that move, take a step. I will let go of the old and allow the new to enter. Now.

Margaret ❤

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

The Art Of Choosing.

When I look back over my life and the choices I have made, I wonder what on earth I was thinking at the time. Some have been great choices, some have been bad choices and some have been in the “what the hell, why not” category. Most have led me to where I am now, and although I sometimes complain about things, I do know that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

The lessons I have learned from the choices I have made have been huge. I am independent, mostly, and can tackle most things without worrying if they will turn out or not. But, there are times where I have made choices, and they were good choices, and I didn’t follow through with it all.

Why do we get ourselves to a point where we know what we want, how we want it and sometimes even how to get it and then just let it all slip away? Is it the thrill of the wanting, but the actual getting is not important? Is it fear of the actual getting? Why would we be scared of getting what we hope and dream for?

My hopes and dreams are all written down in lists. Multiple lists. I have lists for everything. They all sit neatly in a pile of exercise books and collect dust. I write them down and get all excited about the possibilities, then put the book away and promptly forget all about it.

I choose to choose but do not choose to reach. I choose to choose but do not choose to try. I choose for the sake of choosing. Then I choose not to proceed. My art of choosing needs serious updating.

So how to get from the choosing to the reaching and succeeding. Do I have to force myself to watch every moment to make sure I am not forgetting my chosen choice? That will only make the choice something that I will end up despising at most or a chore at the least.

For me, at this time in my life, focus is going to be very important. I have always flitted from one thing to another. Always chasing the elusive something that will make everything perfect, and in doing that missing all the important small stuff that goes on around me.

So now I am going to throw out the lists, all of them. They only serve to remind me of the failures and the lost opportunities that I have let slip through my fingers. Then I am going to choose.

Happiness, joy, love and abundance.

That is the only choice I really need to make. When I succeed at allowing these into my life, then anything else will follow naturally. No pushing, no fighting, no chores and no lists required. It’s all there, all I have to do is accept it all. Allow them to enter my life and ask them to stay. Simple.

Life does not need to be a big dramatic series of events. It merely needs to be allowed to flow. It needs to be. When you wake in the morning let your first words to yourself be words of encouragement, words of happiness and words of expectation of all that you can be.

What will you choose today?

Margaret ❤

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized