Sometimes you get to a point in your life where you think “why me”. What have I done so wrong that I have allowed myself to get in such a mess?
The law of attraction is very powerful and although we sometimes think it is not working, it is. It always is. What you focus on becomes your reality and I for one have learned this lesson so many times in my life that I should be more careful with my words. As each part of my life falls apart in new and surprising ways I can now pin point the exact moment I made that choice.
Moments of passionate fear and anger help to construct a future moment of helplessness and in the one instant where we can change it, we are so deep into the poor me that we cannot see what we are doing. I, like many, have spoken words in anger, in fear and in desperation that all come back and bite me when I least expect it. Then wonder why this is all happening.
The trick to allowing the law of attraction to bring the good into your life is to closely monitor every thought and every word. For most of us that is impossible. We cannot and should not have to think about each word we say in case it causes more problems. That only helps bring more problems, the fear and worry about what we are saying allows disaster to sneak up behind us and knock our feet out from under us when we least expect it.
So how do you get the law of attraction on your side? How do we continue to live asking for the good but all the while beneath the surface our thoughts are waiting for the ball to drop and it all go wrong. I know for me I can recite affirmations until the cows come home, but my energy is tense waiting for something to go wrong.
A few weeks ago I got an unexpected cheque in the mail. Apparently I had paid too much interest on a credit card I had a few years ago. While I was so happy and excited to receive the cheque deep down I was waiting for something to take it away from me, and so it did.
The battery died in my car and I had to pay for two doctors to fill in insurance forms for me, both of which took more than the cheque that I received. It was given and then taken away just as it always has, because I expected it to. Living in fear that the good will be taken away before you even get it only pushes the good even further away.
At this moment in my life I have some major life changes to think about and decide upon. It is not an easy task and if I could I would just jump on a plane and leave. Much easier than trying to make decisions that, if I am honest, are not going to make everyone around me happy. Someone will be upset with it, someone won’t like it and try as I might I cannot please everyone.
This time I really have to put myself first. I am the deepest into problems than I ever have been in my entire life and because of the fear of making choices, I cannot clearly see a way out that will be for the good of me and all around me. Trying to keep myself positive over the last couple of years has been an extraordinarily hard feat and I have failed more times than I care to admit.
I tend to dwell on the negative parts of the decisions rather than the positives and this only pushes more away. If one thing had fallen apart at a time then maybe I would have found a way out of the mess I am in. I always have come through before, there has always been an answer. But, this time everything has fallen apart. A huge lesson that I am struggling to understand, let alone pass.
There are choices, and all of them are temporary. None of them solve the initial problems only delay them. Making some choices only cause more problems down the road that I may or may not be strong enough to handle. Do I take the chance on an immediate temporary fix? Do I wait for more options? My health, my security and my entire life rest upon the choices that are required. I do not know if I am strong enough to make those choices yet.
Those around me say things will be better, that there is a beautiful new start just around the corner. I too have said that to many people but unless you are actually in the midst of hell, you cannot understand that those words, although given with love, just make it all seem so unattainable, so hard to reach and impossible to dream about, lest it be taken away before it becomes reality.
Depression is a monster that allows you to rise above for just a moment then cruelly drags you back down again. For those in the deepest part of their depression this seems a never ending battle that has no hope of being won. For those of us who have battled long and hard and can see the signs that we are falling, it is a little easier to stop the momentum. I know can see as I drop and although sometimes I find it hard to pull myself out of this, most times I can before it gets too deep.
Depression, negative feelings, expecting the worst are all ways that we sabotage the good in our life. Fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of things being taken away all push the good that comes into our lives back. The one thing I do know for sure is that it always works out. It always has for me and it always will. I may go through hell getting from despair to answer, and when I am stronger I will be able to do that sooner rather than later. Eventually though things fall into place and I wonder why I was so stressed and worried. The trick for me is to see it for what it is much more quickly than I do at the moment and when that happens I shall then keep more of the good in my life.
Until then this battle is real, and I will do everything in my power to pull myself through it all. As things start to fall into place I will relax more and be able to think more clearly and make better decisions. Then universe we are done. I think I have had enough harsh lessons this lifetime. Time for the rest of my life to be breezy and easy. As I say it so it is!