Tag Archives: faith

A Change In Circumstances

Well the new year is now well underway and from my perspective there has been a change in the energy. Going from the stagnant thick and dense energy of the years end to a much lighter and more positive energy has been worth the wait.

Since my fall in the last few days of 2016 I have had more blood tests in order to find out what is causing all my pain. The results have come back with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Now I am waiting for an appointment with a specialist to see just what can be done. At the moment though, it means no working. which is making things very hard.

The rent and bills are still needing to be paid so I am still trying to sell the things I own in order to do so. Centrelink has finally come through with new start assistance but as the payment does not even cover my rent, things are still very stressful. Selling my possessions is still going to have to happen to get through this period. Until I see the specialist and get confirmation and treatment, I won’t know where I stand.

Not being able to apply for or actually do a new job is also on my mind. I get bored very easily and these last 4 months at home have been hard. Everyone loves to have a break from work but when it is forced on you it makes a difference. Whether or not I will ever be able to rejoin the normal workforce is something that will be decided by the specialist.

For the moment I am trying to find out as much as I can about this illness. I know that it is not curable at this time but I need to find out what I can do to help myself. The better I take care of myself the faster I will be able to get my life back on track.

While I wait for things to sort out I will try to concentrate on the course and book that I have planned. For the last couple of stressful weeks they have taken a back seat as I tried desperately to get the money I needed. Family have come to my rescue this month and for that I will be eternally grateful.

There have been moments where I thought, I give up. Nothing seemed to be going okay and nothing was working in my favor. Giving up though, is failure and that is not an option for me at this time in my life. I do have the advantage of being able to look at different options. Although I have been banned from working for the next couple of months at least, there is always something that I can learn which may help in forming some sort of home based income that will allow me to live while I heal.

So onwards and upwards, as this new year energy swirls around me, I intend to take advantage of it. I know that things will work out eventually. What I have asked for has happened and what I now ask for will happen. I now understand how being vague in my thoughts and ideas have lead to where I am today. From now on I intend to be more precise with what I ask for and allow the universe to improve upon my ponderings.

Be specific in what you ask for otherwise, while you may get what you ask for, you may get it in a completely different way to what you thought. I asked to be free of my job, I am. I asked for a rest, I got it. What I forgot to make clear was that I required a new job that suited my abilities and for the rest to be a healthy one instead of a forced recovery one.

Think about what you want. Be specific in what you want, then leave it all up to the universe to make your life even better than you could have imagined. What may seem like doom and gloom for me now, has the potential to turn into the best thing that ever happened to me. No more poor me, from now on it is all about using this experience as a spring board to the life I have always dreamed of.

Think about your own life. What has or is happening that you could use to make the leap into your perfect life. Find something that impels you to make a better choice, to take a bigger chance, to think a little clearer. Then go for it!

Margaret ❤

 

 

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A New Day Has Dawned

Memories and ponderings flash through my mind, hoping and wishing for a new life divine.

Allowing the sadness its time in the light, letting it go and making it right.

Feeling so low and down on my luck, trying to fight and get out of the muck.

Digging so deeply down deep within, hoping and praying something begins.

Strength and power I have on my side, time to buckle up and go along with the ride.

Action and intent flow through my mind, leaving all the badness way back behind.

A new life’s begun one foot through the door, gather up courage and take one more.

Once on my way a pattern is formed, taking more steps a new day has dawned.

Margaret ❤

 

 

 

 

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Letting Go Of The Past

Another Christmas has come and gone and while for me it would have to have been the worst one ever, I hope that everyone else has had a beautiful time with family and friends.

I spent the morning alone thinking about what has happened in my life over the last two years. While a lot has been just horrible, a lot has been a blessing. I thought about the lessons I had learned and the light within the dark times and what I am grateful for.

I learned that the work colleagues I spent the most time with over the last ten years were not as they appeared. It may have taken me a very long time, but I finally see the truth of who they were. What I did, I did because I cared, about my job, about the business. What was never returned was loyalty and support. The bullying, the abuse and just the lack of respect hit me hard and when I was at my lowest they hit me even harder. But I learned that I trust too much.

Now, anyone I come into contact with will have to earn my trust, it will not be given so easily. I will never again allow someone to make me feel less than, to make me feel as though I am not good enough, not working hard enough. There will be a distinct separation between my work life and my private life. There will be no socializing with employers and employees. There will be no speaking of personal matters. I will be professional and keep to myself.

At first I blamed myself, that I allowed it to happen. I did allow it, but it was not my fault. I did not ask to be used abused and bullied. The lesson I have learned is to be able to see what happened and ensure that it never again happens. There will be a wall placed and only those who earn my trust will be allowed behind that wall. It will not under any circumstances include work colleagues. That special place in my heart is reserved for family and friends that stand by me, no matter what.

I finally let go of my old job. I ran the Facebook page, I deleted myself as admin and unliked the page. I removed all those in my phone contacts connected with it. I threw out my uniform and unfriended the boss. It felt like a release, the last step in letting go of ten years of my life that had highs and many lows. Now it is all released and this writing finishes it.

Ultimately I do understand that the wall I place will come down. As I grow stronger and learn to protect myself and put in place guidelines for interaction with other people, then the walls will come down. I know eventually I will have the strength to again trust, but it will take time.

I also learned that I am not as strong as I thought. But, in understanding that my strength returned and gave me the reason to keep going. I am going to the Doctors again this week to find out once and for all what is causing the pain I still feel constantly, day by day. In order to move forward fully I have to release whatever is keeping that pain close. I know I will uncover it and when I do, nothing will stop me from living the life I have longed for.

I learned that I now have the freedom to do what I have always wanted to do. I have blocked it for so long that it took a major reorganization of my life for it to come about. Although it has not been pleasant, it was needed. It has been the only way for me to actually take notice of what life had intended for me. When you ignore the signs, life has a way of kicking your butt onto the right path.

This last week of 2016 will be spent releasing as much baggage, physical, mental and emotional as I can. So then as 2017 begins I will be ready to take on the challenges of beginning that new life. I am looking forward to starting afresh. One part of my life has now ended and the new awaits. As much as I have been fearful over the last few months, there is also an excitement. Wondering what to expect, what is coming and where I will be at the end of 2017.

I have plans for the new year. From expanding my blog and writing more, to creating a course and book on potential. Which I will be living as I write. To creating an email list, a new Facebook group and page, as well as expanding my Crystal Path To Spirit page. I have had this page for over three years now and have not as yet done much with it. I intend to change that in 2017.

I am aiming to direct my life towards where I want to be, not where others choose to push me. I intend to manage my life my way, to take control and push myself to achieve all that I have dreamed of. My health, my finances and my work will all come under scrutiny in the new year. All is due for change and all must change in order to not repeat the last 9 year cycle. This new cycle is one that I have longed for, one that has been inching closer and closer with every dream shattered, every ache and pain and every thought of failure.

As I release 2016 and let the past retreat, I expect and welcome new opportunity, new goals, new challenges and new life. I have lived the same way for so long, and now that is obsolete. The new beckons and with it inspiration and hope.

Onward to a new era, I stand at the precipice of a brand new life, and welcome it with open arms.

Margaret ❤

 

 

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Towards The Years End

So it seems Christmas is upon us. Such a beautiful time of the year for many but this year like so many others I am struggling. For the first time in my 56 years I am bypassing Christmas. Things have not worked out the way I assumed they would this year. It has been a very tough and challenging year to say the least.

I know there is a lesson in here somewhere, but at the moment I am struggling to see it. For many of us, this year, a universal 9 year has been one of struggle, oppression, pain, anger and endings. To say that many of us are looking forward to a new start next year, is an understatement.

I have let go of so much this year and allowed some to slip from my fingers. I know it is all for the best, but sometimes it is hard to see the blessing amongst it all. Eventually it will all settle down, and as the new universal 1 year brings in fresh energy, we will all rise above our problems and begin to make the changes and alterations needed to make the next 9 year cycle one of love, peace and abundance.

Getting to that beginning though will be a hard journey, even though it is only a few more days, it is going to be the longest time of the year. Surrounded by negative energy and feelings of helplessness only brings it down even further. No matter how many people tell me to have faith and things will work out, they are not the ones wondering how they will pay their rent or what have I got in my house that I can sell to pay the bills. It is hard to see the sunshine when you are among the storm clouds.

Faith is something that I am trying so very hard to have but everyday something else happens that hits me fair and square in the face and lets me know in no uncertain way, that nope not finished with you yet.

I am one of those people who always leave important things to the last minute. My faith allowed me to be able to wait and I had an unwavering knowledge that it would all be okay and it was. This time however there are more lessons to learn and my last minute has come and gone, with no rescue in sight.

The more faith I have the better I feel, and my body responds by feeling better. When I am too stressed however, then the pain comes back in a different part of my body. Currently my middle back. It seems too hard and painful to take a deep breath, so I move about gingerly trying to get it all to relax. The other day it was my arm. I moved something I shouldn’t have and ended up with pain so severe that I almost called an ambulance.

The connection between pain and thoughts and feelings and my energy is very clear. In order to release myself permanently of this pain, I have to release all the negativity and stress that is currently running my life. So stuck between a rock and a hard place, I have no idea which way to go. To release the stress and worry requires money at the least, a job at best.

It’s funny, I am in a group on Facebook all about manifesting. I read the stories of people who miraculously have what they need come to them just in the nick of time and wonder what am I doing wrong, because it doesn’t work for me. Some have money just appear for them on the ground in front of them, some have cheques arrive unexpectedly in the mail. Tried the cheque thing, didn’t work. At least no bills have arrived though. I go for a walk to help my leg heal more and cannot even find five cents on the path.

Maybe I am allergic to money?

The common theme for all those who have manifested their rescue package is the same, have faith and what you need will appear. What if it doesn’t?, and I know it doesn’t for a lot of people. There are people in my area living in their cars because either deep down they only expect to be able to have that or because it is a part of their journey in this lifetime. I have even decided that I must be cursed in some way, or the universe is playing a big joke on me. Let her get so close to succeeding then we will pull the chair out from under her again. That is so much fun….not!

In the end, I do not know how it will happen but I know it will happen. Things will work out, they always do, it’s just taking a little longer this time. All the signs are around me for success and prosperity and abundance, I am just not seeing them clearly or pushing them away.

I know what happens outside of me is caused by what happens within me. All this is teaching me a huge lesson in accepting help. Something which is very hard for me to do. I have always been the one to help, regardless of whether I could afford the time or money to do so. Now I am in the position of having to ask for help and it is very unsettling, a very strange and odd feeling. I am having a hard time accepting it, but until I do then this lesson will not end.

I will make the best of Christmas this year and plan on making next Christmas one to remember. As long as I see my boys and my parents, then Christmas is a success. This year will be one of who is there rather than who got what.

As this year closes out, remember to send out positive energy. There are many of us who need that little boost just to remind us we are loved and needed. There are many all over the world who have absolutely nothing and no way to change that. While I and others may lament our own failures and lack, putting it all into context with the entire planet shows me that I am abundant, I am loved and I am successful.

Margaret ❤

 

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Hello, Is Anyone There?

How many times when you think it just cannot get any worse, it does. From health issues to no job and as of this Sunday, no money, to my parents selling their home and not found a new one yet. Now my mother has ended up in hospital with an infection, but they don’t know where. My parents have been very stressed with all this house selling business. At their ages, 80 and 77, and having been in the current house for 18 years, this is a huge step for them.

The accumulation of stuff after 18 years has become overwhelming for both of them, not to mention my son, who every time they bring something else over to our home to store, wonders what on earth they kept that for. Their home sold within a week and I think it shocked them so much, they were unprepared for what that meant and the strain is showing with huge emotions and now illness.

She will be okay, just staying in overnight as a precaution, until they find the infection and treat it. All this on top of their worrying about me and what my son and I will do if I don’t find a job by Friday just adds to the mess that we have all found ourselves in.

It will all work out, of that I am sure, but in the mean time there is way too much stress and far too much emotion around for my liking. I am worried about my parents as well as worried about how I will pay my bills after next week. I have been here before, it wasn’t fun then and sure is not fun now. Last time something came up with moments to spare and I am sure the same thing will happen again.

While I wait for either the earth to open up and swallow me or a job to appear out of nowhere, I sit and listen to those around me. All with well intentioned advice and support. I keep being told something will turn up, but nothing is. It is so easy to sit back and give someone support, but not knowing the intense emotions and the fear that washes through me the moment I wake in the morning, makes it hard for them to truly understand what I am going through.

I have been told to apply here, apply there, all well and good, but here and there do not have any current openings, but check back every 6 weeks we may have one then. I have applied for jobs and amongst the rejection emails are the ones saying thank you for applying we will keep you in mind. My age it seems is a barrier to any sort of work, the experience is fine and if I had that experience and was 15 I would get every job on the internet.

I tried something different. I have always read tarot and oracle cards, sometimes I have been paid but more often not. So why was  not doing that, you know you can do it so go and do it. another brilliant idea that would solve a lot of problems if it were achievable. There are so many out there who love to get card readings and some pay enormous amounts of money to do so. So I thought okay it is time for me to get out there and do it. I made a fancy little picture with what I offer and how much and posted it to my Facebook page.

I made the prices so cheap that a lot of readers would not bother answering their phones for, but I thought, cheaper is better until people get to know my reading style. Three people liked my post. One of my sons, a friend and a liker on my page who has had two readings from me. None of whom are in need of a reading at the moment. My picture will float about in the ether until I get so sick of looking at it with no comments of yes please I would love a reading. Then delete it in disgust and give up on reading again ever.

I tried to sell the things I own, but no one wants what I have. Sometimes I think I missed the boat completely on what is valuable to others. The things that brought me joy, don’t seem to appeal to others. Not even at fifty cents a pop. Another let down in the making and another reason to just give up.

For the last few months I have been working on writing a course. A 10 lesson course on finding and living your potential. Each time I write more within it I get excited. I love what is coming through me and being put to paper. Unfortunately it won’t be ready by Sunday, or the next Sunday. I also have no idea whether anyone would be interested. It may be another one of those things that excites me but others couldn’t care less about. Only time will tell with the course, but I know that if I tried to rush it then it would sit like my offerings of readings, somewhere out there, forgotten and lost.

So what to do now. I have tried almost all there is, the only thing left is government support, which is better than nothing but not enough to cover the rent. So still leaves me in distress and with the possibility of living in my car. It would be a total last resort and one that I do not wish to pursue.

I have been blocked at every corner lately and do not understand why. The Universe must have plans for me but as to what they are, I am in the dark. I can only hope that a miracle occurs and life can try to return to normal. These last two years have taken so much away from me and given me nothing in return. It seems that currently, my life has no purpose and seemingly no hope. I have been through enough and I am done.

So Universe, if you are listening, then I am ready. Ready for my world to bloom again. Ready to take on the new. Ready to start again. Ready willing and mostly able.

Hello? Is anyone there? Can you hear me?

Margaret ❤

 

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A Taste Of Belief

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What do you do when you allow things to get to you so much that you end up depressed and very down? It is such hard work pulling myself up from the bottom of the barrel every time I drop. Through everything that has happened in the last 18 months, I have tried to stay positive. Everything will work out, it will all fall into place. I have believed that up until yesterday.

Yesterday started out okay, I woke up early and feeling good. I got out of bed and had my coffee. My son went to work for the day, my parents came and dropped some more of their belongings off to store while they move house. Then they went home. I spent the rest of the day alone.

Yesterday was my birthday.

The one day of the year that I look forward to, and the one day of the year that always lets me down. I try to think positively and expect a good day. Deep down inside I expect it to be like every other birthday and it is. The one day of the year that makes me cry and that I want to forget the minute it is over.

Combined with the energies of the super full moon, it made yesterday and today very emotional. Adding emotional stress to my already sore body and mind. It makes me put out a vibration of pain, fear, aloneness and unworthiness like no other day of the year.

Every year I tell myself it will be different. I will be happier, I will be gentle with myself and every year I get a little depressed and bring the walls crumbling down around me. As the poor me energy washes over me while I try desperately to climb above it all, I feel helpless and useless all at once. I know to expect this energy, I know to prepare myself, but every year I am always unprepared for the depth of feelings that this day brings.

Adding to the stress I am already under with my health issues and lack of a job, it is something that I just do not need at the moment, and it undermines what ever strength I have left to fight. Writing it all down helps, it makes me see how I feel and what I am feeling. It helps me to understand that I can get through it, it is not as bad as I think it is.

Everything around me points to prosperity and abundance, the right job and income will appear, things will fall into place easily and quickly. But all I see is a wall, I cannot seem to get around it and take what is being offered. I don’t know which way to turn to find the way through. I am stuck in a maze of illusion and self pity. I smell the victim in myself and yet cannot do anything to push through it all.

There must be a way to get through, and when I do find it I will wonder why I did not see it before. I am allowing the wall of defeat to block me, I am allowing my stress and fear to overcome me. I am allowing all that is good in my life to slip past me, the opportunities not seen, nor taken. I cannot go on like this. I must make a stand, for my sanity and for my health.

I must dig deeper than the victim, deeper than the self pity and dig myself out of the hole that no one but me can see. Everyone around me can see what lies before me, but me. I am blind to what awaits me and the blindness is fear. I sit and laugh at the thought of being fearful of having what I want. What is so scary about being successful? What is so scary of having the life I have always dreamed of? Why do I feel I need to stay stuck in this big deep hole?

As another birthday passes, and more opportunities are frittered away, I wonder what my purpose is. What do I gain from wasting my life being afraid? Why can’t I take that chance, grab it with both hands and run with it? What do I need to push me to take that one small step that will set everything on course for the life of my dreams?

Next year my birthday will be different. Next year I will celebrate like I never have before. Next year I will not allow it to be as it always has. One step is all it takes, one little, big fat scary step. One step that I must take to escape from the prison I have confined myself to. That step is to believe, just believe.

Margaret ❤

 

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Navigating Change

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It’s been a very long and draining week. Feeling like I need a holiday to just get away from all the stress and worry. This week has been full of ups and downs and I think I am ready for some gentle energy to wash over me and everyone around me.

I woke up this morning feeling okay, thought it was Saturday and not sure why. It is a public holiday here for the Melbourne Cup so that must have had some influence on where my thoughts were when I awoke. The energy around me lately has been really good, very upbeat and positive but this morning when I woke I felt flat and could feel myself slipping even lower. Luckily I can see this happening now, and can attempt to pull myself back up again. It has taken me all day though. I have been a little over emotional and cried at a few things I read on Facebook. I feel overly tired even though I have not done a lot in the past few weeks.

I have however, walked a lot. My legs are getting stronger and my wrists feel a lot better today than they have for quite some time. I can now pick things up without dropping them, my fingers also have more strength. This healing of my body has taken so long and there is still more to go, but I think I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The walking has done me so much good, it has been hard and I am sore when I finish but it has loosened the muscles a little and I feel stronger.

On top of all of this, my parents sold their home and now we need to pack it all up. My parents have stuff, lots of stuff. Not much of it useful but just collecting dust stuff. All of which needs to be packed up and stored at my house and my sisters house until they find somewhere new. My ex husband ended up in hospital having blood transfusions, so my boys have all been stressed and worried. All of it contributing to one very long exhausting week.

Apart from the lowered energy of the day, things seem to be easing off a bit. Hopefully at the weeks end things will be back to a relatively normal state. In the mean time I am working on trying to keep myself one step ahead of the emotions that are threatening to take over. If the last year and a half has taught me anything, it is, that I am much stronger than I have ever given myself credit for. The ability to see how I react and respond to what is around me has allowed me to make changes that were well overdue.

When you finally begin to see who and how you really are it can be very eye opening. I now see things I do that make me cringe and wonder why I had not noticed it before. It gives me the opportunity to learn more about myself and to understand why I do what I do. This is something that I feel everyone should have the opportunity to do, but most never get the chance. Some are just so deeply ingrained in the version of reality that they have chosen, that they rarely see how they are.

If everyone could, just for one moment, actually see how they are, I am sure they would take a step back like I have, and make the changes to bring their lives into a more balanced friendly space. The world would look so different if everyone of us lived at the right level of energy. Imagine how beautiful it could be.

For the rest of this week I am going to concentrate on raising my energy to a level where I feel wonderful. It is going to take some effort but I am determined to get there. No more allowing the world around me to bring me down. I will continue my walking, because it gives me strength and helps me to heal and the sooner I heal, the sooner I will be able to work again. As to what work I will be doing, I am not sure yet. Unfortunately there are not a lot of jobs around for older women. Experience seems not to count in the field I have worked in for so long, youth and cheaper pay rates are more important. I will not allow it to get me down.

I have faith that something will arrive when I am strong enough to do it. I am open to any type of job at the moment as long as it challenges my mind and does not bore me into a stupor. I like the idea of learning something new and adding to my skill set. I do not, however, want to be put into a position of having to do something that makes me depressed and lowers my energy. I have spent far too many years doing what I needed to do and now I would like to do something that makes me jump out of bed in the morning and to look forward to the work day.

I know it is out there and I am totally manifesting it into my space.

Margaret ❤

 

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