Tag Archives: miracles

Bye Bye 2016

The end is nigh! 2016 is about to finish!! I have never, in my entire life, been so happy to see the end of a year. 2016 without doubt has been the worst ever for me. So as I kick it up the butt and so far back in my memories and mind, I feel it is fitting for one last whinge šŸ™‚

From pain, to bullying, to betrayal to a complete lack of support from those I thought cared, 2016 has thrown everything at me. Stupidly I thought because it is so close to the end, that I would be safe from more. Alas I was wrong.

The night before last I was out walking with my son. It had rained so hard and so heavy that day, there were many areas that had flooded. With flooding comes the inevitable mud, and stones washed onto roads and footpaths. As I walked along, not taking much notice, I walked into some mud. It was dark I didn’t see it. Next minute my right leg slips and flies up. The next I am flat on my back with my left leg bent underneath me.

I remember the slip, I don’t remember the fall. I didn’t hit my head and I didn’t break anything. I landed on my back but don’t remember any pain associated with it at all. I didn’t drop my car keys, I didn’t drop my phone. I sort of just lay there thinking “how did I get down here” My son helped me up and I checked to make sure I was okay. I was covered in mud, wet, and my knee started throbbing and my foot and ankle decided that now was the time to let me know they hurt.

At home, I showered off the mud, put ice on my knee and checked my foot out. Today my knee is bruised and there is a cut, I was on a brick footpath. It is still swollen a little but doesn’t hurt so much now. My foot is still swollen but the pain has eased a lot there as well.

So having thought I was going to survive this year, it reminded me painfully that it was not through with me just yet. Now with less than 6 hours left of this year from hell, I sit here and write to let it all out of my system. I am ready and waiting for my fairy godmother to flip the switch at exactly midnight and transport me into a new world, a new life and a new cycle.

I have written before of my plans for the new year, and while they sit comfortably in my mind at the moment, they will not be released to grow until the strike of midnight. At that time 2016 will be sent packing, out of my mind and my memories as much as is possible.

There have been lessons, and those I will not forget. Most have been painful and shook me to my core. They have allowed me to alter my thinking, my expectations and my goals and dreams. While I intend to push this year away, I know that the lessons I have learned will be remembered as a turning point in my life, and one day I may even be thankful for what this year has done for me.

So wave goodbye to this year, knowing that although it has been very hard for a lot of us, we will eventually be thankful for what it has brought us. Our gratitude for the lessons learned, the changes that they force us to make and the sadness and pain that ultimately leads to new life, will all be remembered and may even turn out to be the best year of our lives.

Look forward to the new cycle that begins, the dreams and goals you will now be able to achieve and the dawn of a new era in your life. Dream big and aim high. You deserve more than you know and more than you think you do. Raise your glass at midnight and thank the stars that you got through this year and as a result are much stronger and more able to live your life authentically.

Happy New Year.

Margaret ā¤

 

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One Step Up

So it seems the negativity of my writing of late has had an impact on me. When I read back what I write, I cry. Not for what I have written and what I have been through, I cry because IĀ  have released it. Without the writing that I do, all of this bad energy would still be stuck inside me and growing. It always feels much better to let it all out.

In the past I have always kept everything to myself. It didn’t matter what it was, I never let others know how I was feeling. This blog was my opportunity to express my fears, my pain and my negativity. It allowed me to work through it all as I wrote. I never expected anyone to read it, and if I did, then it would not have been as honest as it is.

Sharing what you feel and how you respond and react to what happens around you, is a very personal and humbling experience. It takes me down to my lowest and allows me to make space for the highest to enter. What I write helps me, and if it helps one other person on the planet then it is all worth it.

Last night after writing and posting I felt horrible. I felt the negativity of my energy and of my thoughts. I felt bad that I had unleashed it on the world. I felt bad that others had read it. It all contributed to even more negative energy and when I went to bed last night, it manifested as pain. An ache in every part of my body, and nothing I did helped until I took pain killers. Although I dislike taking anything, I felt I had no choice.

The pain killers allowed my body to relax and allowed me to sleep deeply and when I woke I felt much better. As I fell asleep I also visualized the bad energy and the pain lifting from my body.Ā  So today I am one step up from where I was yesterday.

Never, ever underestimate one step up. The miracle that if affords does more than anything else ever could. Although it may not look like it to those around me, I have changed overnight. That one little step up has lightened the load considerably. I am no longer rock bottom. I am no where near the top but I am one step closer to it.

Today I have decided that feeling sorry for myself will no longer do. Today I have decided that there is a future for me. Today I have decided to live. Today I will make new plans, chase new goals and ensure I do something, anything, everyday to make those plans my reality.

I know deep inside me there is something I can offer the world. My fear and negativity has blocked it for so long that finding it again may take some time. But, find it I will and this time do something with it. I have allowed my emotions to control my existence for so long that I always second guess everything. I make a choice that I know is right for me and then spend so much time thinking, is this right? Did I do the wrong thing? What if I made a mistake?

I need to learn to trust my intuition, to go with my first instincts. The second guessing is where it all falls apart. So listen, and act and go with your first thoughts. See how far you can take it and then and only then can you be sure. Deciding then second guessing without even trying is just a waste of time and leads to failure. If you don’t try you will never know and then will spend your life regretting it.

Yesterday I wrote that I had an idea, one that felt right for me. I also felt that it wasn’t time. Second guessing again. Today I am going to revisit that idea and take it that one step up and see where it leads me. I will take all my notes and put them into somewhat of an order. A base from which to expand and develop my idea into something concrete. I will get excited and I will use that excitement to push me to keep going.

And tomorrow, I will take another step up.

Margaret ā¤

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Expect Miracles

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It’s Monday, blog day. As I sit to write tonight, I really have no idea what it is going to be about. I spent the day moving furniture, which I shouldn’t be, but needed to move my bed in order to find a better way of sleeping. Waking every two hours during the night is getting frustrating and tiring. So maybe a change of direction will do the trick. I have been burning lavender oil in my room to attempt to relax my mind and body enough to sleep through the night. Still though, it was two hours then waking, tossing and turning and finally back to sleep for another two hour episode.

There are those who say this lack of sleep and waking during the night, are symptoms of something new awakening. My body and mind are preparing for a new beginning and a new life style, and as such there is much chatter in my head. My fears surrounding my health and fitness as part of this new lifestyle are making me nervous and stressed at times.

How can I begin something new when I cannot leave the pain behind. It’s an excuse, I know it is. Much easier to stay in the comfort of the known than to move forward into the unknown. So I am using my pain as a crutch that lets me stay exactly where I am. I got really angry yesterday, more with myself than anyone else, I felt resentment for all those around me who have their lives in order.

I allowed the pain to overtake my mind and my heart and although I kept my anger in my head, it still made me feel horrible. I felt let down, I felt abandoned, I felt like a waste of space. I don’t have my own home, I don’t get to spend enough time with my family, hell, I can’t even afford food at the moment. Not a nice place to be in and not a pleasant head space either.

I had thoughts today that I should focus on my health problems, for while I still experience this pain, it makes it hard to focus on the good parts of life. Then I was reminded by a good friend, that good health would be part and parcel of focusing on the good parts of life. So today I was active. It is my one day off from work and normally I try to rest as well as do the normal household chores. Today the bed was moved, I defrosted the freezer. I used a hammer, but that’s another story šŸ™‚ I did the housework, as much as I could. I am so very sore now but I feel good, I feel better. Today I accomplished something, and for quite a while it has been hard to feel that way.

Yesterday I gave up. I was done with pain and people and anything else that came within my vision. I yelled to my angels that, this was it, I give up. I know they heard, they always hear, but it is still up to me to find the strength I need in which to make the changes that are needed. They will be there to guide me, to leave me clues as to the right path to take, but I need to take that step. Maybe giving up was what I needed. A release of sorts. No more pressure.

So for now I will work on focusing my thoughts on the positive that I wish to see in my life. I will work through my pain issues with the help of those around me. Instead of wishing to be pain free I will wish for health and fitness. Instead of wishing for just enough to pay the bills I will wish for abundance and prosperity.

I deserve and so do you. Aim high, always aim high. If you don’t reach that height then keep trying. You only get what you ask for, so believe that you deserve the very best and always expect it. Expect a miracle every day of your life.

Margaret ā¤

 

 

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