It has been almost a month since I have posted on my blog. The negativity I had been feeling was getting to be quite overwhelming and although writing about it was cathartic, it was far too much to put it out there.
I am still in the same position as I was in April, but I feel much better about my situation. The depths that I fell to during the last month was scary to say the least. Going from being able to support yourself and being healthy and have goals to being dependent on others just to survive has been an experience that I would have preferred not to have gone through.
As I have come to terms with this new life I have been given, I have discovered a few things that before this I would not have considered. The fear in situations like this is almost paralyzing and makes everything seem so much worse that it could actually be.
Now that I can think more clearly, I can make plans and once again reach for the goals that have eluded me for so long. I know that I do not want to live the rest of my life this way, and so now I can begin again to take the small steps that can put me back on the path that I choose rather than the path that I have allowed to overtake me.
I have consciously been sending love to everyone and anyone that has a part in my new life. Although I did not expect it to have a bearing on the outcome of anything, it actually has. The doors that kept closing on me and the people who told me one thing and then did another became much more easier to work with.
There is still some way to go with my health and my financial situation but I don’t feel that I will have to live in my car in the foreseeable future. I am not sure where I will end up, but I know it is not where I am currently. I am finally taking the road that allows what is right for me to appear as and when it should.
I still intend to sell my belongings, or at least those that are no longer relevant in my life. As I go through the house to see what I have actually accumulated for all these years, one thing becomes clear. There is so much that I do not use, that I do not want, that I do not need. There are boxes that have been packed away for the last almost 5 years in this house and 5 in the one before.
Why do I hold onto all these things? My security up until now has been in possessions, but not anymore. Although there is a lot that I wish to keep because it is useful and because I love it, the rest must now move on to its new home.
I have moved my desk and computer into my bedroom, and spend most of my time there. My son spends most of his time in his room. We have a small electric heater that we use to keep these two rooms warm and that is making things much easier. The house has ducted heating but it is not a viable option when you cannot afford to pay for it. So the small heater makes life a little bit warmer and easier.
By doing this I have discovered that I do not need a lot of possessions or things. I do not need a lot of space. We rarely get visitors so this has not been a problem yet. We are warm and comfortable and that is all we need.
So now my next goal is to manifest in some way the perfect home for us to live in. I have no expectations of what or where, but I do know that it will be perfect for us and it will appear when the time is right.
Until then I will continue to send love out to the universe around me and also to myself. The more I do this the more will be returned to me in many different ways. Each day I intend to improve my situation even if it is just by a little bit. The more good I expect the more good will appear. I have finally decided that the universe knows what it is doing with me and it is time for me to have faith in that.