Tag Archives: uncomfortable

Moving On

When does it become apparent that it is time to move on? How do you know for sure that what you are feeling is right? Are you imagining what is going on around you? How uncomfortable do you have to be before you finally realise and say enough?

I have been in the same job for 10 years. It has changed a lot over those 10 years. The things I loved to do were taken away from me. Not because I did not do my job properly or that someone else was better at it, but because they are family and family has to come first. So I moved on to other duties and responsibilities and again they were taken away from me. Still I persisted and accepted the other jobs until I am at the stage where I am so unhappy and so uncomfortable that there seems to be no other choice but to leave.

For a long time I felt like those I worked with were friends, I was wrong. I have been left out of so much and never even knew it. I didn’t know when someone was going on holidays or where they were going. Everyone else did. I didn’t know the boss’s son was engaged, everyone else did. I didn’t even know one of the girls moved house, everyone else did. When I find out anything at all it is from the customers. It makes me feel so sad inside to finally understand that I am not and never have been a part of the family.

My job now consists of cleaning up after everyone else, and I mean everyone. I am so low on the ladder that I cannot even see the bottom rung anymore. If I don’t do what the others expect of me I get lectured. Not by the boss mind you, but by another staff member. It does not matter that I have been in constant pain 24 hours a day 7 days a week for over 6 months. No, I am not pulling my weight. I am not doing their work so they can have it easier.

I am at the point where I feel sick when I arrive in the carpark. I dislike walking into the shop. I watch the clock intently waiting for it to be home time, so that I can go somewhere I feel comfortable. My energy evaporates and what strength I currently have leaves me as soon as I walk in the door. My mind goes to the cleaning I have to do, the mess that needs to tidied up and put away. The bending and stretching that is required but causes pain.

So how do you move on from that, how do you stop and understand what is going on around you and make the changes required. I know I need to leave, for my own well being and sanity. I should have left a long time ago but felt obligated to stay. I felt like I was letting people down. Mostly I thought I was helpful and doing my job but all the while others were knocking my feet out from under me without me even noticing.

So now it is time for change. Not sure what to do and how to even begin to make the changes. I cannot simply up and walk away, life as it is forbids this. There are bills to pay, the landlord would like his rent paid, food to buy, and other commitments that cannot be just let go of.

For now, while I decide what it is that I want to do, as opposed to what I need to do, I will become stronger. I will keep to myself. If my colleagues do not wish to share with me, then so be it. I will make my plans and will execute them at the appropriate time. I will strengthen my energy field so that when i walk in the door a wall of doubt and negativity does not hit me in the face.

I will choose to have the life I want to have. Because choosing is the only way for it to happen. Wishing and dreaming do not have the power to make the major changes I am considering, it must be a choice. A soul based, heart led choice. One that will elevate my vibration and lead me to that which is waiting for me to accept it.

I will concentrate on the positive parts of my life. I will accept my pay check with gratitude and humbleness. I will pay my bills and my landlord with thanks for what they provide me. I will make my plans, I will make my changes, i will succeed in living the life I know I can have.

I have allowed this lower energy to suffocate me for far too long and now it must change. I see it and I feel it so deeply that it must be so. A new beginning is here and it is time to embrace it and to run with it. If you feel as stuck as I have then there is no other choice but to make that move, take a step. I will let go of the old and allow the new to enter. Now.

Margaret ❤

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