It’s been a very long and draining week. Feeling like I need a holiday to just get away from all the stress and worry. This week has been full of ups and downs and I think I am ready for some gentle energy to wash over me and everyone around me.
I woke up this morning feeling okay, thought it was Saturday and not sure why. It is a public holiday here for the Melbourne Cup so that must have had some influence on where my thoughts were when I awoke. The energy around me lately has been really good, very upbeat and positive but this morning when I woke I felt flat and could feel myself slipping even lower. Luckily I can see this happening now, and can attempt to pull myself back up again. It has taken me all day though. I have been a little over emotional and cried at a few things I read on Facebook. I feel overly tired even though I have not done a lot in the past few weeks.
I have however, walked a lot. My legs are getting stronger and my wrists feel a lot better today than they have for quite some time. I can now pick things up without dropping them, my fingers also have more strength. This healing of my body has taken so long and there is still more to go, but I think I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The walking has done me so much good, it has been hard and I am sore when I finish but it has loosened the muscles a little and I feel stronger.
On top of all of this, my parents sold their home and now we need to pack it all up. My parents have stuff, lots of stuff. Not much of it useful but just collecting dust stuff. All of which needs to be packed up and stored at my house and my sisters house until they find somewhere new. My ex husband ended up in hospital having blood transfusions, so my boys have all been stressed and worried. All of it contributing to one very long exhausting week.
Apart from the lowered energy of the day, things seem to be easing off a bit. Hopefully at the weeks end things will be back to a relatively normal state. In the mean time I am working on trying to keep myself one step ahead of the emotions that are threatening to take over. If the last year and a half has taught me anything, it is, that I am much stronger than I have ever given myself credit for. The ability to see how I react and respond to what is around me has allowed me to make changes that were well overdue.
When you finally begin to see who and how you really are it can be very eye opening. I now see things I do that make me cringe and wonder why I had not noticed it before. It gives me the opportunity to learn more about myself and to understand why I do what I do. This is something that I feel everyone should have the opportunity to do, but most never get the chance. Some are just so deeply ingrained in the version of reality that they have chosen, that they rarely see how they are.
If everyone could, just for one moment, actually see how they are, I am sure they would take a step back like I have, and make the changes to bring their lives into a more balanced friendly space. The world would look so different if everyone of us lived at the right level of energy. Imagine how beautiful it could be.
For the rest of this week I am going to concentrate on raising my energy to a level where I feel wonderful. It is going to take some effort but I am determined to get there. No more allowing the world around me to bring me down. I will continue my walking, because it gives me strength and helps me to heal and the sooner I heal, the sooner I will be able to work again. As to what work I will be doing, I am not sure yet. Unfortunately there are not a lot of jobs around for older women. Experience seems not to count in the field I have worked in for so long, youth and cheaper pay rates are more important. I will not allow it to get me down.
I have faith that something will arrive when I am strong enough to do it. I am open to any type of job at the moment as long as it challenges my mind and does not bore me into a stupor. I like the idea of learning something new and adding to my skill set. I do not, however, want to be put into a position of having to do something that makes me depressed and lowers my energy. I have spent far too many years doing what I needed to do and now I would like to do something that makes me jump out of bed in the morning and to look forward to the work day.
I know it is out there and I am totally manifesting it into my space.